Holidays and Home work? I would rather someone get drunk.

I feel like I just came back from some very strange vacation.  Only on this vacation there was a lot of work, or rather a lot of trying to get out of work. 

Holidays!  Oh yes that is where it started, the mad dash between home and family, the running around trying not to tick anyone off and yet failing to be in a million places at once, it starts with T-rex working.  It ends with T-rex working! 

Then off to write papers for classes for college for a degree in something for work. . ahh one day work!  Two more papers, a unit of Spanish and 3 or 4 tests to take, then I am done until early January! 

Right after all the papers are written guess what comes up?  HOLIDAYS!  Yippy, another mad dash to please people, only this one T-rex has off.  I am sure I will have it off too. . Oh yeah did I forget to tell you?  I got a job!  I am just working at some fast food joint here in town, but with the young kids and the husbands crazy hours it seemed like the best idea, and because I still have a year more of schooling!  I go in for training or something on Wednesday, so I am looking forward to that, not the whole working part, not the whole fast food part, but the whole "I-get-out-of-the-house" part.  I mean that part is going to be GREAT!!!!

so where was I? Oh, yeah, Holidays! T-rex gets Christmas off this year, which is great.  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with the husband!!  But then to make up for his lazy Christmas self, he gets the joy of working New Years Eve, which is a FRIDAY this year. .. . Which is code for "going to be a pain in the butt"  I don't feel that bad for him!

You see when I was VERY pregnant with Lilly, T-rex, Mr "snores when is awake", had a part for his 21st birthday, a very drunken party and I could not get drunk, so I got to see sober how drunks act. . . I got to see sober how my husband acts drunk . .I wish this on no woman, and although it was the only time I ever saw him drunk (if I was sober or not) I hope he pays for it for the rest of his life.  (Or at least a few more times so I have something good to write about.  . .shhh!)


Well, as you can tell things are busy and I should be doing homework or writing a paper or something, but I have two days before anything is due so I am going to look up more Fringe on Hulu and just chill out for the rest of the day.

The cooking is the easy part!

I have come to accept that T-rex will not get to be home for every any holiday. But I still have my way of doing things and I like them that way. For instance on Thanksgiving my side of the family all gets together. It is our one big holiday and it means a lot to me and my mom. Christmas is T-rex’s side of the family, although because of his working we have had to stay home a few years, we always make a trip up to see them shortly after.

Well this year T-rex is working Thanksgiving. This makes me sad because I love Thanksgiving. But this was not going to kill me, we were going to have thanksgiving at my house and T-rex can swing in for something to eat when/if he is not busy. Sounds easy enough right? I get my family, my kids get Grammy and Papa, I even invited T-rex side of the family over, but they are all going to Oklahoma.

Well then my sisters let everyone know that they are going to their husbands sides of the family for Thanksgiving, but we might be able to get together Saturday. I was a little upset that they pulled out of “my Thanksgiving” my parents were still going to be here so I thought it would be okay, we will make it work.

Then I had to do the right thing and tell my parents not to come. Not because they didn’t want to come, but because I know they wanted to be home to feed the people who don’t have family, who don’t have the money for a great dinner, and who can’t have a great holiday like I have been blessed with nearly every year.

So, it was going to be me and the kids, alone, on the best holiday of the year! I cried, I am not going to lie, I cried a lot. I wanted my sisters, my parents, my husband all here to eat great food! We always get caviar for thanksgiving (thankful we can get it once year, and thankful it is only once a year we are silly enough to spend that much money on fish eggs, and mind you this is like grocery store brand caviar!), I didn’t want to eat it alone, we always write a “thankful for list” and read it around the table, I didn’t want to read alone. I wanted MY holiday back!

T-rex said I should go see my mom and dad for Thanksgiving and help out around the church where they are doing the dinner, so I told them I would. But I felt so guilty about leaving T-rex here. I know he is going to be working, but whenever there is something big going on I am the one at home holding down the fort. It felt like I was abandoning him because I want my mommy. Yep I felt about 7 years old.

So to make up for it I made T-rex a whole Thanksgiving dinner Monday. Or that was the plan. But you see like all great plans T-rex got a call to go out with the S.O.G. to do something (kick bad guy butt). I get a few hours notice that he will be gone, and then NOTHING else, I never even know when he is going to be home.

I cried again. I called my mom and cried (she said she could not understand me, which is code for Stop whining at me and get your big girl pants on). I know he cannot control the bad guys, I know he is going to have to deal with call outs, and as such I am going to have to deal with call outs, but I mean really?! They had to do it when I was going to cook a great big meal for him? It was around 4 when I decided I was going to have Thanksgiving dinner at home like I planed even if he was gone.

So that is what I did. Well, okay, I had a lot of help form Rae, Lilly, and Dino. The girls worked on cleaning the house, making hand turkeys, and they even did a “thankful for” list with me. Dinner was going to be late, as I didn’t make anything all day, started late, and was doing all the cooking alone. But it was done around 7, just a few minutes after T-rex got home.

I had my big family meal, complete with caviar, and it was great! I didn’t burn anything, we have a lot of food, most of it my mom had gotten for us, and so in some ways it was like she was there too. There will be food here for T-rex when we are gone, and I can go help my parents help others, which is a great Thanksgiving blessing.



Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! What are you thankful for?

Where did time go?

This week has been busy and fun! Yet, every night I would look at the clock and whine “It is only 9?”

T-rex is out of Training! He has been having a great time on his own. He likes to come home and tell me about pulling someone over for something. I don’t understand half the lingo he uses. But I get that some people drive too fast.

The kids are doing okay with the changes in his hours, and the Dog. Well kind of. One of the Police wives blogs said her husband was told “If you look like food you will be eaten” when he was in the academy. I think applies all too well to my kids. The kids run around and whine at Radio, so she takes charge. The only one who Radio does not pick on is the little Rae, who will yell at the top of her lungs and walk away like she owns the place. The other two act all afraid and scream like babies. I don’t know how to get the older girls to just lay down the law with the dog. Oh well, so far things are going great.



Today is my little sister’s birthday!! For years I thought she was 12, until she was about 16. I guess that is a sign that I didn’t pay attention to her much. But we have always had a good relationship. Well, mostly I think. Maybe she puts up with me, and I put up with her because we are family? Ah no matter I love her. She is turning 21! So I want to wish her a Happy Birthday! Today I hope my other sister comes to town, she has my turkey for Thanksgiving  Maybe we will then call little sister and tell her happy birthday!

Sitting down and thinking about my sisters has made me see just how lucky I am. My family seems to understand, for the most part, what it is like being married to a cop. I don’t have to make too many excuses for T-rex being gone, or Dino knowing how to shoot, or Lilly saying words like detain. I am happy they put up with me, and try to understand.

 

Image by freakgirl via Flickr

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOY BOY!! I LOVE YOU!

Radio!

We got a dog! She is a coonhound named Radio. So far she is GREAT! She is 5 months old and almost potty trained. We have only had two accidents, but we have also only had her two days now. She goes outside well but does not ask to go out. I think she does not like the back door. The first night we didn’t have a crate for her so T-rex let her sleep on the bed, tonight she really wants to be back on the bed.

But, I am a little sad. You see I hate dogs. They jump, bark, poop, and all that stuff. Yet I fell deeply in love with her! She is so cute! However, the feelings are not mutual. She, like the girls, loves T-rex way to much! He left today and she whined at the door for him for a few minutes, and then pouted on the couch. And I know we should not let her on the couch but she is afraid of the vacuum and I felt so sad for her. She did not bark or run and hide she just looked so sad. How can you say "no" to something so cute? I tell you, you cannot.

Anyway she is fitting in nice with everyone. I hope that we are quick to training her, she does not even seem to know her name, which was the name she was give at birth, not one we just picked out now. I wonder if that is normal. I know nothing about dogs and had sworn we would never get one, but with T-rex working nights and the kids getting older we just really were ready for one. I am so happy we got her. I know it’s odd, but just having her has kind of helped lift me out of the funk I was in.

Now to get her to like me more than she likes T-rex and we would be all set!

More thoughts from my head. . .

That mostly stay there. . .



1. I really hope that was food Rae just ate

2. That’s a perp.

3. I hate the word perp, it sounds like a kinky thing people do alone in their beds.

4. I love to show off and brag about my husband to random people.

5. I secretly think I can do T-rex’s job better than he can. . . you know if there were no drunks, dead animals, runaway cows starting a beef, shooting, pepper spray, and driving on dirt roads at night. Yeah then I would so be a better cop than he is.

6. I look good in jeans and a t-shirt, as long as I have that super great extra push push-up bra on.

7. People who can’t say “I am sorry” are mean.

8. Girls are prettier than boys, because girls also come with way more drama!

9. How can my kids get half their DNA from Me and half from T-rex and still be so different?

10. My kids are equal parts cute and disgusting. “That’s disgusting” was Lilly’s first sentence.

It’s just who I am. . . Now how am I going to deal with this?!

I am self-centered, over dramatic, stressed, moody, and let us just call it focused.

It’s just who I am. The self-centeredness, drama, stress, and moodiness have all gotten much better with age, for the most part. The “focused” part has not really gotten any better. I blame my mother, but only because that is what Freud would do.

Maybe we can’t really call it “focused” I seem to fixate on things. Like when I lost my keys. I blocked everything and everyone out and tore my house to shreds looking for my darn keys. I got ticked off, nothing else mattered, I think my cat could have died (if I had a cat) and I would not have even noticed. I end up yelling at the kids, and poor T-rex (anymore he ignores me, which makes me madder, but he does not notice). I do this when my kids misplace their things too, I guess on some level (okay almost every level) I freak out.

I am not really sure why. I just don’t usually misplace things. But it goes beyond that, if something is broken I stay focused on it until it is fixed, or really, really broken because I have no clue how to fix a washing machine. Well this week has already had more than one case of Yellow Focus. (Almost as bad as yellow fever!) Lilly had her issues at school Monday. Tuesday she lost her homework folder, I tore the house apart had a hard time sleeping and the whole thing. Then the great day of Wednesday . . . . the basement flooded because of the storm early in the morning (like there is no time the clocks are even asleep this early) which had Dino up, which soon got Rae up, which got Lilly up.

I called the landlords; they said that I had to get the water out of the basement. So I fully started focus mode. I was mad, I should not have to do that when we are renting. UGH. But I thought I dealt with it okay. A call to the cops to get a wet-dry vac and I was in business! (Yes the cops are also handymen if anyone wanted to know. . go ahead a try this at home. . .And then tell me about it because I could use some comic relief this week!!)



I then spent several hours trying to get the carpets cleaned, the rooms put back together, and because of the Focus the rooms now have to be just right, even though they never are.



All of this is fine, it’s part of who I am. The people who love me get this. But how in the world am I going to deal with T-rex being a cop?! He is going to get hurt, or something at some point, or even if it’s just in my head, I am going to focus on it for ever and there is no way I can put it all back together just right.

Yellow’s day in Cops terms/ T-rex’s day in mommy terms.

**This is crazy long, but it is not that long to read.**

Yellow:

07:00 ~ Get inmates dressed out for “work release”

07:30 ~ Transport oldest inmate to “work”

07:40~ Prepare nutritional meal for remaining inmates.

07:50 ~ Clean up kitchen and “mess hall” (never has a name been so fitting)

08:00 ~ confiscate weapon of mass destruction (blue marker on walls)

Apprehend suspect for questioning.

Extend sentence 5 minutes in solitaire

Guard cell (time out corner) for visitors bringing in contraband (little sister: red pen)

Book in “visitor” for position of a controlled substance.

Release blue marker suspect to free up solitaire for red pen bandit.

08:25 ~ Resume maintenance on building. Including but not limited to, washing dishes, picking up toys and bringing out trash.

09:00 ~ Get called to a domestic. Both parties crying.

Take statements from both parties.

Gather evidence

Book em both on grounds of noise violations. Time outs to last 5 minutes on the couch T.V privileges revoked.

09:15 ~ discover toxic gas and investigate ~spend time questioning inmates all questions are answered from what sounds to be a drunk “huh? What smells? I don’t smell anything? Did you know you can taste what you smell? You are eating it too! I didn’t poop!”

09:37 ~ Find smell. It appears someone was making hooch out of their apple juice left in a cup on top of the hot DVD player. Question suspects again. Restate the rule that cups are not to be in the living room. Be ignored.

10:00 ~ Hand out food provisions to the “starving” after being called mean for not having cookies hand out “gummies”

10:45 ~ respond to a theft report. “Barbie was stolen!” and “I had it first”

Take item into evidence.

Give warning of more fines to pay (toys)

11:25 ~ Prepare lunch, which goes without incident, clean kitchen and mess hall again.

12:00 ~ transport inmates to “work release” after picking up another inmate from a neighboring “jail”

12:34 ~ arrive back to enjoy a moment of peace before getting the youngest inmate to nap.

13:00 ~ put youngest into sleeping room, and pray.

13:03 ~ yell “when I say lights out I mean it!” catch up on whatever work needs done, laundry, extra training, and preparing the “jail” for the big guy to arrive

15:00 ~ redress youngest for transport duty again

15:30 ~ Pick up older two inmates and transport them back

15:43 ~ Help with training of inmates, provide food stuff.

16:00 ~ Big guy awakes from his hole in the “jail” greet him and “act like you got your jail running great”

16:04 ~ locate missing items for big guy, things such as socks, pants, and belt keepers (secretary Duty)

16:30 ~ prevent domestic over space issues before violence occurs.

16:35 ~ Prepare last meal for everyone. Keep in mind every ones dietary needs.

17:00 ~ Eat, enjoy the conversations of inmates, self incrimination abound .

clean kitchen and mess hall

17:35 ~ Send off the Big guy.

17:45 ~ Confiscate another controlled substance (glue)

18:00 ~ ask what the smell is again, hear giggles as one inmate announces “I farted”

18:12 ~ Break up a bar fight over a girl. (AKA pushing and hitting over a Barbie)

18:13 ~ Take Barbies away, and remind inmates to get their juice out of the living room

18:14 ~ Put a band-aid on cut from fight

18:15 ~ Catch the graffiti artist red handed (green crayon)

Sentence inmate to a hard 10. (second offence and all that)

18:35 ~ Start the washing of inmates. Supervise that proper procedure is conducted, and splashing stay to a minimum.

18:56 ~ Brush the hair of 3 girls! Dude, there is no cop term for this, Not even a cop would do something like this! Ugh

19:12 ~ Repeat no bedtime snack rule, repeat it about 73 times before inmates seem to get it.

19:34 ~ lock down all inmates.

19:43 ~ deal with a jail break.

20:00 ~ write reports for the day, plan the budget for the jail, work on training, read a book or watch a show after work is done

02:00 ~ decide that all the “other stuff” will have to just wait until tomorrow and clock out.





T-rex:

7:30 am – 3:40ish pm ~ sleep

3:40-4:30 play on computer, scratch self, drink coffee

4:30-4:45 use the restroom

4:45-5:00 eat the meal that was cooked for you

5:00-5:30 Get dressed for work, have wife bring you everything you cannot find

5:30pm-12:00am Drive around in the dark, with your friends, looking for “stuff”

12:00 am -1:00 am ~ Come home. Eat something from the microwave, or something the wife made at 12 for 

1:00-1:30 Play with farm animals

1:30-3 Drive around some more, stop at the office to BS with friends

3:00 get a call about a deer accident; move deer off road take report

4:00 back to the office to write journal.

4:30 pull someone over for driving bad
5:00-6:00 Drive around some more

6:00-6:18 BS with the guys getting on the new shift.

6:18-7:00 Play games on the computer or PS3 or something.

7:00 Turn on the light so wife will get up.



Yep T-rex just drives a lot! LOL

Is it creepy?

Maybe a little.

Dino has an odd habit of meeting the trash guys and yelling Thank-you at them as loud as she can, which really is not as loud as she can, but more like as loud as she feels comfortable yelling at grown smelly men picking up our trash.

How did this strange habit start you ask? Well about a year ago we were outside when the trash guys came to pick it up, I went to the street to get my cart back and said thank you. To which there were a million questions by Dino to follow. “Who are they?” and “why do they do that?” My reply was simple, “Isn't it cool that they do that?! They take our trash away for us.” Never did I think it would turn into a weekly ritual.

Every week she stands at the door and yells thank you to the big smelly men picking up our trash. She no longer gets sad when they don’t say anything back to her; she gets that they are busy working, and likely don’t even hear her. But she still goes to the door. In the last few weeks she has started to bring the trash cart back up to the house. Which I love! But I wonder if it is a little creepy that my daughter waves and smiles so big at the trash guys. They don’t even seem to notice her anymore. I wonder if it ever made them happy to see that someone is thankful for the work they do. I know we really are!

I mean really we could be like the town next to us, their trash trucks all say “Satisfaction guaranteed or double your trash back!” I would hate to have a disagreement with their trash service.



So, thank your trash guys! In fact it got me thinking, often times the service workers are taken for granted. Thank them all when you can. Let’s get being nice out of the creepy category and into normal. I know some of the cops out there would love to be told Thank you. . .and not just after you only got a warning!

I know, but really that's what happened. . . .

No, REALLY, I ran into the door. Twice actually. Or maybe the door ran into me? But really!

Okay so I was trying to get the bedroom door closed. There was a shoe in the way and the door bounced back hitting me in the head. In anger, I was just all like “oh let’s see what happens if I slam the door even harder.” Just so you know the door bounces back even harder if you do that!

You will be comforted to know that the big nasty red lump on my cheek is not noticeable right now, although it hurts.

Maybe it is because I am married to a cop but I am going to have a very hard time telling people what really happened. I am so afraid this is going to bruise. I can hear it now!

“She said she ran into a door”


“Yeah like we have never heard that one before?”


“I know, and her husband is a cop!”




It kind of makes me laugh. But it also gets me thinking of all the times I lied to my parents about different stuff. I know now that they had to have known I was lying, but at the time it sounded good to me. I now also understand why sometimes when I was telling them the truth they thought I was full of it. Sadly right now any lie I can come up with for the bruise on my cheek sounds just as dumb and lame as the truth. So as lame as it sounds, I ran into the door. Twice.

Police wife Interview

MRS. FUZZ

I was given the great honor of interviewing MRS. FUZZ!! She too is a police wife, blogger, and mom. And so much more! Reading her answers I was all like "dude that is so me!" I hope you feel you can relate to her as well as I did, and go check her out!! A Police Wife

Why and when did you start blogging?

I started blogging January 2009. HF was halfway through with the academy and I was quickly entering uncharted territory. I had a lot of questions, a lot of worries, but mostly I was just plain curious about what life was like for officers and their loved ones. I did a lot of internet and blog searches and came up mostly empty handed. The first police wife blog that I found was called "Married to the Law". (unfortunately she is no longer blogging). I reached out to her and she answered and addressed all my questions and her blog helped to replace a lot of my fear with calm. What I was feeling was pretty normal, and I didn't need to freak out.

I also desired to document HF's experience on becoming an officer. Not only did it end up being therapeutic, but it gave me a way that I could be involved in what HF was doing and support him even if I didn't understand everything that was happening to him. The network of police and police wife/girlfriend bloggers quickly expanded and I found that I could list all the police related blogs and websites I could find so I had sort of this hub of support and information for anyone that was looking for what I had been looking for at the beginning.

I just got to know, where did the name Mrs. Fuzz come from?

Well, other than my favorite nickname for the police being, "The Fuzz", I had recently watched the movie Hot Fuzz and the main character, Nicholas Angel (played by Simon Pegg), totally reminded me of HF. Not in his appearance, but because of his hilarious over the top "super" cop reactions and abilities. While we were watching it, I was like, "That is totally you!" HF is a very rigid rule keeper and takes rules very seriously. And I don't mean as a cop. He has his whole life! So you can imagine that as a cop he knows how to take care of business with sometimes hilarious results. Remember the duck incident? Shared similarities to the goose scene in the movie.

 What is your typical day like?
Goodness. Right now it is CRAZY because our kids have been CRAZY. But a typical day for me starts out about 7:30 am. We go go go all day long. We try not to wake up HF since he works graves and sleeps during the day, but our kids have two volumes. Loud and louder! We don't know where they came from because both HF and myself are pretty quiet, laid back, and reserved. We have a dent in the wall above our bed from the baby hitting his head on it while wrestling his big brother. There are handprints on the walls from the kids and whatever they've gotten into. I feel like I could be cleaning all. day. long. But we try to have fun. I love to cook and the kids love to "help out". We have a lot of beautiful parks and hikes to search out, museums, friends to visit, etc. But really, three kids under the age of 8 keeps me going all day. Our favorite time of the day is waking up HF. Sadly he is usually woken up in a violent manner. That shows him how much we love him, right? Right now the kids really have us scratching our heads with their behavior so I am that mom with a stack of parenting books on my nightstand. But if they are good at one thing, it is going to bed! So at 8 'oclock or so I relax and work on projects of my own and always end the day with a hot cup of tea or cocoa and a funny video off of You Tube or a tv episode on Hulu. But all this will change in January when HF begins working swings. Something I've been dreading (other than the at home in bed with me part). So ask me again in January what my typical day is like.

What are some of the blogs you love to read and why?
This is a hard question to answer! There are so many. I have to say that I love a lot of the cop bloggers. What better way is there to get into the mind of a police officer than to read their blogs! Motor Cop is a fun read, Squad Car Theology and Raindog Blue are great because they are poetic and thoughtful and I love RDB's photos. Slam Dunks will always be a favorite read. He's a former cop and many of his posts are law enforcement related. Always interesting, funny, or inspiring. I always see what the police women have to say (Cop Mama, The Boogie Man is my Friend, Public Safety Parody, Behind the Blue Line).

Don't get me started on the police wife blogs. I can look through my blogroll of police wives and girlfriends and immediately think of why I love that particular blog/blogger. There are the hilarious story tellers, the super sweet and inspiring girls, the moms in the same stage of life as me, the religiously devoted, the new to police life, etc. I love them all.


***To find all the great Blogs check out Mrs. Fuzz's profile****

So with 3 kids under 8. . .like myself. . .I feel your pains! But do you find it tempting to be just another mommy blogger?

Or rather what would YOU say your blog is about? Do you try to stay on the cop topic most of the time, or do you just blend your life, all of it, into your blog?
Hmm. I never thought about my blog as a mommy blog, but looking at my posts for the last month it definitely appears to be one! I guess my intention is for it to stay mostly on the cop topic in one form or another with ocassional insights into my personal or family life. I guess the title of my blog says it all. I'm just one police wife of many. This is my story and how I deal. My life did change when HF entered the academy and will always be a little different than a lot of other people's lives because of that. As time creeps on, I find myself less and less impacted by HF's career on a daily basis and life is somewhat a normal blend of the day in and day out stuff. That is what I noticed about the more seasoned police wives and what I wanted for myself. And seriously, when your life from 8 in the morning until 8 at night involves screaming, destruction, fighting, graffiti, teaching & training, and general barbarism, how can I not mention it? Oh, and I was just talking about being a mom there and not police work.

Enjoy!

What is sad is I could really see T-rex doing this, or getting this done to him.  Ohh I wonder if the cops ever grow up?  I also hope that he does not do this to some of the guys there, who would likely shoot first and ask questions later!!!  But until he does something this crazy I will sit back and enjoy it! :)

Q & A With Yellow & T-rex

As a cop’s wife I get asked a lot of. . .let us just call them odd questions. . .. I am sure that some people really want to know, and sometimes a person just needs to know! So I will take a moment to answer some of the questions I get.



1. Don’t you worry some crazy drunk will shoot him?

Well now that you bring it up!! What does your husband do for a living? Oh he works at the post office? You know there was a whole new word created just for the crazy type of people who work there? But no I don’t really worry someone is going to go postal on my husband!
        Okay all my snarky sarcasm aside, I do worry something is going to happen to him. And then I remember that T-rex has a lot of training and will stay as safe as he can. It is no different than any other job, only with this one he is looking out for the dangers of the world, not just hiding behind his banker suit. Besides if I worried about it all the time I would never get any sleep. So, even though it does cross my mind I try to not worry about it.

2. How do you deal with all the girls hitting on him?

I don’t get to see all the girls hitting on him. We don’t go out together that much and he is too cool to notice some bimbo hitting on him. I am sure if he noticed he would make a point of bragging about it to me, for weeks! But to the badge bunnies I just laugh! They think the uniform is cute . . . well they need to learn about Velcro! I don’t think the badge bunnies realize it is not like being married to batman or something that cool.. . .okay, who am I kidding it is that cool! But there are a lot of hard things to deal with.



Oh and who ever thought of the slogan “feel safe at night, sleep with a cop” needs a hard slap across the face!! HAHAHAHAHA married to a cop and getting to sleep with him! Two very different things! T-rex is on night or “split” shift over half the year, and he is a lucky one who changes shifts every month, some guys get stuck on nights for YEARS at a time, family or not. The saying needs change, to something like “feel safe at night, have a cop teach you how to pie a corner and shoot his off duty, because you will need to know how to use it because he will be gone at night” but I guess that is too long for a t-shirt.

3. You know, there are a lot of dirty cops.

Okay, that is more of an accusation than a question but, allow me to respond anyway.

Why? Don’t they shower? I get mad if T-rex does not shower before dinner. Should we have a soap drive for the cops you know?



I am not an idiot, I know that there are a few, bad cops out there. Just like there are criminal bankers, lawyers, teachers, doctors, post office workers, and so on. I know T-rex is not a dirty cop, and I know the people he works with are not dirty cops (besides the fact that their wives are also picky about the soap use before dinner!). I just don’t get why one profession has to have the spot light so bright that it casts a shadow of doubt on everyone. Oh yeah, that’s because MOST cops are good people who would die to do the right thing, who would give up their life to save the life of the dumb people who say this stuff. The cops put the spot light there, they hate dirty cops way more than you could imagine. So stop assuming all cops are bad.


Look for more questions and answers soon!!

Chicken detector

I swear T-rex’s sheriff has a chicken dinner detector!

Sheriff J. is a nice man, I am sure he is a good man. But I am just as sure that he was sent here to mess with me!



You see I know how to cook ONE meal. Well only one meal that tastes any good. It is Baked Chicken, and stuff to go with it. It is so good, like I could sale it good! Yeah it is that good!



I made it twice last week, and each time I have made it T-rex has had to stay late at work. Well guess what I made today? Yep, baked chicken. Guess who called to say he would be late? T-rex! I wonder if I burn it will he come home? Maybe if I feed it to the stray cats in the back yard he will show up quickly? No matter, I have resigned myself to the fact that I don’t make baked chicken. No, I make “T-rex is going to be late, and I need a few more hours missing him, worrying, and general stressing out dinner.”



In my mind Sheriff J and I actually get to talk about this:

Me: “What is that thing Sheriff J?”

J.: “Well Yellow that’s the chicken dinner detector. It lets us know when T-rex is going to have good food at home, when it goes off we make some stuff up to keep him here another few hours. It’s part of the initiation.”

Me: “WHHHHATTTTT?”

J.: “Ohh don’t worry we have one for Bob, it tells when his wife is in a good mood, he has not stayed late too much. And one for Mighty Mouse, it lets us know when his mind is in the gutter, It blew up after the first day, we just make him stay late all the time now.”



Yep I knew they had some evil plan in place to keep me from having a good dinner with T-rex. I think Sheriff J is out to get me. I have a plan to destroy the Chicken dinner detector and have dinner with T-rex again. Or if nothing else I am just ordering Pizza from now on.