random bullets

Moving.

As I posted before, we are getting ready to move. Do you know what happens when you start to clean out a cop’s house?  

You find bullets

A lot of them.

Bullets that do not go to a single gun that is owned at the moment

Boxes in random places.

Like no lie, a box of bullets that went to a gun that hasn’t been in the house. . .ever.

Bullets with the socks.

Bullets with paperwork to cases 10 years old

Bullets that are just there. All over the place.

So today we take out a trash bag full of random bullets. 

Top 10 Things to do when the Cop is working nights.

1. Take a nap! 
2. Do most of the house work, but don't do
    A.   The Dishes
    B.   Vacuum
    C.   The laundry
    D.   Listen to music as you clean
3. Read a book (although if you have kids or pets this will never really get done)
4.  Work out - again no music going
5. Watch TV - just not the show you watch together
6.  Take another nap
7.   Start a blog (why not?!)
8.   Stay up way too late!
9.  Get a random yet quite hobby
10.  Just take a nap!


So yeah I tend to flip over more than I should to nights when it is summer vacation, it makes it hard to function with kids, but it is so hard to stay motivated when T-rex is asleep.

Crochet and life lessons

    Do you see this wonderful even stitching?  Yeah, it looks great. I can feel proud of it even though it is not done yet.  But it wasn't always this way. When I first learned how to crochet a girl at school had brought in some stuff and taught us how to do a chain. It was all the rage (4th grade girls are a little dumb)! I loved it and had chains going for miles. But at first that was all I could do. 
    Over time I wanted to make something more, and with the little money and even less yarn around I had to take apart my chains, tie them together and learn how to make the chains stick together. My first several attempts were total crap. Over time I got I got better and soon I learned how to make this thing, well kind of. The stitches were not even, and the whole thing kept getting smaller and smaller until it was a pyramid type potholder. But I did it, sort of. 
    Soon I learned how to keep the ends from shrinking, and the with even more scraps I was able to get the stitches more even.  I even made Dino's baby blanket and it has outlasted some beautifully made blankets from grandparents.  This pure white blanket is my newest creation. 
    I still only know how to do this one stitch. Although I recently have started to look at other stitches to do. I like this one, it is simple. I don't count, I don't think, I just go. I have done it so much that I can do it all day (until my hands hurt). But I see pretty blankets and I want to try something new. You see, recently  I have been home with no guidance, no classes to take (avoid homework!) No reason to even put pants on most days!  And it is hard. We need something to reach for, something to work towards. A goal, and something to finish. Something to check off the to-do list.  Sure I have dishes and washing, and housewife/mom stuff, but nothing for me, and nothing that is ever actually completed. 
    It is important to feel something is done. A case to be closed, a court date to be completed, a test passed. So for me, for right now  I will make this blanket, and next time I will try a new stitch, and when it is a hot mess I will try again until I have mastered it as well as  I have this. 

Play cards

What do cross-dressers, drugs, students, and Mexican kisses have in common? They are all a part of a typical day for  T-rex.  Which could sound really cool, but the reality is usually more messy. For instance cross-dressers should at least consult some style rules, and not be drunk in public. Drugs are only fun in idea, never practice (cop humor?)  Students are great, unless they are not.  And Unwanted kisses of any kind are never fun, but also drunk ladies taking advantage of your mouth just sounds creepy.

His nights usually fall into nothing happening or all the crazy at once!  I think it can be like that for anything, when it rains it pours. The messy days tend to stick around a little longer in cop work. The slow days are needed just for the mental rest needed to cope with everything else. I don’t joke that T-rex plays cards at work (OKay I still do!! But follow me)  He needs that time to deal with the other things, I know a day off is only as relaxing as he can make it, and for that to really work I need to support his days off and let him play cards.  Balance is needed for sure. 

Budget

Budgeting

So maybe not just a cop issue.  But it does seem there are unique things that cops have to deal with.  We all know that cops don’t make money (DUH).  The truth is there is also limited advancement. I teach, so we know there is not a whole lot there.  Although I have to say together we make enough, we really do, or should.  We also feel fast into debit.  It was easy to justify spending money on things when we work so hard, and gosh we do work hard.

So we have more debit than a family should have.  Much of it went to the house, the same house we now have to leave. That one hurts a lot. I thought we would be here longer, I thought it would pay off. I thought it would be okay.  But we all know that debit is never really a good thing.

So here we sit working our way out of the hole we put ourselves in. Many things have been sold, and there is more to go.  Many things have been given up, and many more things will be skipped. That is just the way it is going to be.  But I swear if I read one more post that tells me to give up expensive coffee and manicures I might flip! If I was broke (and I am ) the first thing I would do is drop coffee runs and anything else I don’t need. But also if I am broke, and cutting corners all over a nice coffee date at 10 bucks might just be what I need to keep going. So let me enjoy it without guilt!  

The thing that has helped us the most is honestly (a shameless plug) everydollar. T-rex and I each have the same account on our phones and are able to track everything. I am not saying we don’t still blow money, we do. But we are getting better at it, and we are able to see where we blow money so we can better plan for it, or change what we are doing.  

With this system we have also been able to get 1500.00 in savings for the move. We paid off one credit card, covered 3 emergencies in one month, and have kept going (nothing bounced and groceries in the house!) I cannot tell you have awesome that feels!  

There is still a long way to go. We move in about a month, the house has not sold, and I am afraid of how things are going to work out next month, but they will work out. We have a plan each month, and slowly things are getting paid off, money is being saved, and truly we are still living life. So, cops get on a budget!  Go for it and put in some blow money, go have fancy coffee, enjoy date night! But know what you are doing each month, adjust as needed and keep going.

Change

I sat there. Outside on the patio set. The one I had to have. The one that represented a life style I desperately wanted. You see, I was going to get up early everyday, drink my coffee, and enjoy a few minutes outside before going off to work. That was the plan. But as I sat there today it was clear the plan never worked, and soon never would.

Several months ago I knew I had to leave my job teaching. I could write a whole blog just about that adventure!  Lets leave it that after two years of abuse it was time to go, but still really hard!  We have to sale our house, pack up and move.

All of that left a sad feeling, feeling unwanted, feeling trapped, feeling, alone, feeling broke (actually being broke!)

So the plan was set, pay off all the debit we can (way to much to go into here) and get some in savings, move and start a new job. I found a wonderful teaching job that I am currently eager to start. Yet I still look around my current home and feel a deep loss, everything I wanted was set here, but none of it ever came to be. Some of that comes with the crazy life of a cop. We never did host a party, I usually slept in late because I stayed up late.

It has just been hard. There is nothing else to say about it really. I am saying goodbye to a life I thought I wanted, but never even put into place. I am saying goodbye to the idea of this place more than anything. (And all the stuff we sold to make the move possible) 

Make Time!!

One of the hardest things about the shift work is making time for erhm. . sex.

There are also the differences between men and women to figure out

There are also you know, all normal pains that come with being a cop.

So, Last week I talked about staying fit together.  Added benefit, the sex gets better

I don't know how it works, something about smells (although I don't buy for one second that gym sock smell turns a person on!)

Here is what I do know:

1. Being physical in a way that is not just Physical helps the Physical (follow along?)
2. Communication is key
3. Make time (A passing in the night 5 am quicky is a good thing!)
4. Make time!!
5. Be aware of the other person's needs (I need to be NOT physical at times and T-rex NEEDS a physical connection)

There is no quick fix if this part of the relationship is hurting, just remember to talk about it, and sometimes you might need to shut up and just do it!    We recently had to talk about how the shift work was affecting that part of our marriage, something in the busyness that is life we hadn't even really looked at!  How sad!!  Look at your physical relationship, talk about it, and then, as other police wives have said "go make some cookies!"

There also also a lot of tools out there to help keep the marriage strong, the physical part is only one part of your relationship, don't forget to keep connected on ALL parts.