random bullets

Moving.

As I posted before, we are getting ready to move. Do you know what happens when you start to clean out a cop’s house?  

You find bullets

A lot of them.

Bullets that do not go to a single gun that is owned at the moment

Boxes in random places.

Like no lie, a box of bullets that went to a gun that hasn’t been in the house. . .ever.

Bullets with the socks.

Bullets with paperwork to cases 10 years old

Bullets that are just there. All over the place.

So today we take out a trash bag full of random bullets. 

Top 10 Things to do when the Cop is working nights.

1. Take a nap! 
2. Do most of the house work, but don't do
    A.   The Dishes
    B.   Vacuum
    C.   The laundry
    D.   Listen to music as you clean
3. Read a book (although if you have kids or pets this will never really get done)
4.  Work out - again no music going
5. Watch TV - just not the show you watch together
6.  Take another nap
7.   Start a blog (why not?!)
8.   Stay up way too late!
9.  Get a random yet quite hobby
10.  Just take a nap!


So yeah I tend to flip over more than I should to nights when it is summer vacation, it makes it hard to function with kids, but it is so hard to stay motivated when T-rex is asleep.

Crochet and life lessons

    Do you see this wonderful even stitching?  Yeah, it looks great. I can feel proud of it even though it is not done yet.  But it wasn't always this way. When I first learned how to crochet a girl at school had brought in some stuff and taught us how to do a chain. It was all the rage (4th grade girls are a little dumb)! I loved it and had chains going for miles. But at first that was all I could do. 
    Over time I wanted to make something more, and with the little money and even less yarn around I had to take apart my chains, tie them together and learn how to make the chains stick together. My first several attempts were total crap. Over time I got I got better and soon I learned how to make this thing, well kind of. The stitches were not even, and the whole thing kept getting smaller and smaller until it was a pyramid type potholder. But I did it, sort of. 
    Soon I learned how to keep the ends from shrinking, and the with even more scraps I was able to get the stitches more even.  I even made Dino's baby blanket and it has outlasted some beautifully made blankets from grandparents.  This pure white blanket is my newest creation. 
    I still only know how to do this one stitch. Although I recently have started to look at other stitches to do. I like this one, it is simple. I don't count, I don't think, I just go. I have done it so much that I can do it all day (until my hands hurt). But I see pretty blankets and I want to try something new. You see, recently  I have been home with no guidance, no classes to take (avoid homework!) No reason to even put pants on most days!  And it is hard. We need something to reach for, something to work towards. A goal, and something to finish. Something to check off the to-do list.  Sure I have dishes and washing, and housewife/mom stuff, but nothing for me, and nothing that is ever actually completed. 
    It is important to feel something is done. A case to be closed, a court date to be completed, a test passed. So for me, for right now  I will make this blanket, and next time I will try a new stitch, and when it is a hot mess I will try again until I have mastered it as well as  I have this. 

Play cards

What do cross-dressers, drugs, students, and Mexican kisses have in common? They are all a part of a typical day for  T-rex.  Which could sound really cool, but the reality is usually more messy. For instance cross-dressers should at least consult some style rules, and not be drunk in public. Drugs are only fun in idea, never practice (cop humor?)  Students are great, unless they are not.  And Unwanted kisses of any kind are never fun, but also drunk ladies taking advantage of your mouth just sounds creepy.

His nights usually fall into nothing happening or all the crazy at once!  I think it can be like that for anything, when it rains it pours. The messy days tend to stick around a little longer in cop work. The slow days are needed just for the mental rest needed to cope with everything else. I don’t joke that T-rex plays cards at work (OKay I still do!! But follow me)  He needs that time to deal with the other things, I know a day off is only as relaxing as he can make it, and for that to really work I need to support his days off and let him play cards.  Balance is needed for sure. 

Budget

Budgeting

So maybe not just a cop issue.  But it does seem there are unique things that cops have to deal with.  We all know that cops don’t make money (DUH).  The truth is there is also limited advancement. I teach, so we know there is not a whole lot there.  Although I have to say together we make enough, we really do, or should.  We also feel fast into debit.  It was easy to justify spending money on things when we work so hard, and gosh we do work hard.

So we have more debit than a family should have.  Much of it went to the house, the same house we now have to leave. That one hurts a lot. I thought we would be here longer, I thought it would pay off. I thought it would be okay.  But we all know that debit is never really a good thing.

So here we sit working our way out of the hole we put ourselves in. Many things have been sold, and there is more to go.  Many things have been given up, and many more things will be skipped. That is just the way it is going to be.  But I swear if I read one more post that tells me to give up expensive coffee and manicures I might flip! If I was broke (and I am ) the first thing I would do is drop coffee runs and anything else I don’t need. But also if I am broke, and cutting corners all over a nice coffee date at 10 bucks might just be what I need to keep going. So let me enjoy it without guilt!  

The thing that has helped us the most is honestly (a shameless plug) everydollar. T-rex and I each have the same account on our phones and are able to track everything. I am not saying we don’t still blow money, we do. But we are getting better at it, and we are able to see where we blow money so we can better plan for it, or change what we are doing.  

With this system we have also been able to get 1500.00 in savings for the move. We paid off one credit card, covered 3 emergencies in one month, and have kept going (nothing bounced and groceries in the house!) I cannot tell you have awesome that feels!  

There is still a long way to go. We move in about a month, the house has not sold, and I am afraid of how things are going to work out next month, but they will work out. We have a plan each month, and slowly things are getting paid off, money is being saved, and truly we are still living life. So, cops get on a budget!  Go for it and put in some blow money, go have fancy coffee, enjoy date night! But know what you are doing each month, adjust as needed and keep going.

Change

I sat there. Outside on the patio set. The one I had to have. The one that represented a life style I desperately wanted. You see, I was going to get up early everyday, drink my coffee, and enjoy a few minutes outside before going off to work. That was the plan. But as I sat there today it was clear the plan never worked, and soon never would.

Several months ago I knew I had to leave my job teaching. I could write a whole blog just about that adventure!  Lets leave it that after two years of abuse it was time to go, but still really hard!  We have to sale our house, pack up and move.

All of that left a sad feeling, feeling unwanted, feeling trapped, feeling, alone, feeling broke (actually being broke!)

So the plan was set, pay off all the debit we can (way to much to go into here) and get some in savings, move and start a new job. I found a wonderful teaching job that I am currently eager to start. Yet I still look around my current home and feel a deep loss, everything I wanted was set here, but none of it ever came to be. Some of that comes with the crazy life of a cop. We never did host a party, I usually slept in late because I stayed up late.

It has just been hard. There is nothing else to say about it really. I am saying goodbye to a life I thought I wanted, but never even put into place. I am saying goodbye to the idea of this place more than anything. (And all the stuff we sold to make the move possible) 

Make Time!!

One of the hardest things about the shift work is making time for erhm. . sex.

There are also the differences between men and women to figure out

There are also you know, all normal pains that come with being a cop.

So, Last week I talked about staying fit together.  Added benefit, the sex gets better

I don't know how it works, something about smells (although I don't buy for one second that gym sock smell turns a person on!)

Here is what I do know:

1. Being physical in a way that is not just Physical helps the Physical (follow along?)
2. Communication is key
3. Make time (A passing in the night 5 am quicky is a good thing!)
4. Make time!!
5. Be aware of the other person's needs (I need to be NOT physical at times and T-rex NEEDS a physical connection)

There is no quick fix if this part of the relationship is hurting, just remember to talk about it, and sometimes you might need to shut up and just do it!    We recently had to talk about how the shift work was affecting that part of our marriage, something in the busyness that is life we hadn't even really looked at!  How sad!!  Look at your physical relationship, talk about it, and then, as other police wives have said "go make some cookies!"

There also also a lot of tools out there to help keep the marriage strong, the physical part is only one part of your relationship, don't forget to keep connected on ALL parts.

Staying Fit on the Night Shift

Okay, really this could be just a motivational thing for ME!  I am not fit, and I am not on the night shift.

Finding time to workout can be hard when life is so busy!

We all see the ads for different workout programs, and the truth is I love some of them!  I have joined some groups, started new things, some have helped some not so much.

What has really helped, and I know you have heard it before is to make working out a priority.

But that really makes me sad when I only have 30 minutes on average with T-rex any given week.

So, we try to work out together. .  ..I say try, because we have vastly different ideas of what working out should be.

Me: I just walked 5 minutes!  Time for a drink!

T-rex:  Yeah, No, You should lift some weights

Me: You should do cardio

T-rex:  I do!  I lift weights fast!

Me:  Yeah, No. You should walk with me

T-rex: some grunt that we can't understand

35 minutes later T-rex is done with his workout and smelling like a gym sock.  I have spent the last 30 minutes watching cat videos on YouTube. But I did find some good stuff on the YouTube spiral that happens, More marriage advice :)

Fyi:  Working out also helps in this area :)

More on this next week, but for now, watch the Video!!

How to have a God solid Marriage (Sex)

Too much to do!

One of the down sides of being married to a cop is that it often seems like  I am the only one to do anything around the house.  Several books talk about the cops inability to make decisions at home because they make split second decisions all day long! Well, I am a teacher, and  I answer questions ALL DAY LONG!  I too am incapable of deciding what is for dinner, don't ask me!

So what do we do?

Make the list!

T-rex and I spend a good part of our time together planing.  So you know, like the total of 5 minutes we have together!

T-rex:  What's the plan this week?

Me:  Huh? Is that a question?  DON'T ask questions.

T-rex:  I have Wednesday off. . . .

Me: Fine, we will go shopping that day.

T-rex:  Like a date?

Me:  That is a sad date   *googles grocery lists*


We have mastered the quick communication!  Date night is important, but often does combine some chore.  No matter, it is time alone, and the drive to town is our time to reconnect.  We talk about everything, work, kids, dreams, goals, people that tick us off, and plans to take over the world.

I also suggest getting a home binder to keep everything in order. Anything would work!  I have really liked this one from Amazon, but before that we just used a spiral notebook with lists, and notes to each other.  We kept it on the kitchen counter and checked it as we got ready for our day. . . . no matter what time that was.

Love of Old dead people

Falling in love with some old dead white dude.


It really is what History Teachers do.

But OMG why did I not have a class on President Garfield!!

He is awesome!

I love the way he wrote.
They all wrote so nice "back in the day"
Could be my new Favorite President.

All because of the book  Destiny of the Republic.  WOW.

Just get the book and see how cool he is!

When a Cop gives advice does it always end in some type of "EH" I don't let that bother me?

So kinda a long title, but that is where I am at.  I have had some problems with "clients" at work.  So okay students. .  .their parents. . . .

I love what I do all day, but there are times where I feel far less than capable, and it gets hard when no one ever says "yeah you are a good teacher!"

T-rex does not have advice to help this.  He always ends it with "Eh, I just don't let that bother me anymore"

WTH?

That does not help!!  Do you know what would help. . . Chocolate, a nap, some flowers, tickets for everyone who annoys me. . . .You know the things like that.

OHHH but I better not joke about that. . . .or anything ..  .. I wish everyone had a cop's idea of funny.  It would make things much easier if no one would get offended.

Oh and  I bet it is easy to let things go when you know if it gets really bad you CAN give a ticket, or something. . .But that is just a theory.

I need this for like all Life things!!  

http://www.zazzle.com/smokykitten

How to get stuff done when your cop is sleeping during the day

How to get stuff done when your cop is sleeping during the day:

1. Don’t

2. Eat cake and watch bad TV (on low volume)

3. Take a nap

4. Turn into that person who vacuums at 10pm

5. Dream of day shift

6. Find out Day shift also stinks (I had the whole bed to myself!!) 

We rotate shifts here, and there are good and bad to all of them. On Nights I do love the bed to myself, I am a night person. But I also hate that he is not home, that I cannot make sure T-rex is okay.

On Days I could get things done around the house or whatever. I also know what time he should be home and we can eat together. I have to share my bed! He snores. The Dogs want to sleep with him.

I would say that my least favorite shift is Mids. He goes from 1:30-1:30. What the heck!! No meals together, No bed time together, no seeing the kids after school, and when did he really get home?! Then he sleeps all day. It is an evil shift. I hate mids.

I lied, there is not good and bad to all of them, One of them is a dumb shift that I hate.

http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-and-work-the-night-shift/

It is easy to get caught up in the slow pace of the small town. A place where a DUI, some kids at a party, and cow calls are a busy day. There is a feeling of no worry, if the officer is late getting home it is because he was talking with the guys at the office, not because something happened that he now has to deal with.



HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH



I cannot lie, most days are clam. But even after all the deaths, parties, DUIs, fights, and so on T-rex has had to deal with, we had a new one. A chase. I don’t know what it is about this area, but people actually think they can run?! A chase scares me. Just NO. I don’t want it to happen. It seems like nothing good can come out of going 80mph on a dirt farm road. 

At the end of the day the other officers congratulated T-rex for making it into his first chase. I did the only thing I could. I told him No.

I don’t think it ever does get any easier. Perhaps it even gets harder with time. The bew bew bew sound of the radio alarm goes off with a painful cry. The kiss goodbye almost feels ere, not comforting. This was the first early morning call out in our small town after the many police shootings in our nation. This was the first in our small town where the suspect had a gun. This was the first I overheard what was happening. I liked it better when the officers were called on their phone. This also was going to take place just two blocks over. I remind myself that the town is so small, everything is just a few blocks over. I remind myself that the call was going happen if I heard it or not, and now I was able to help pull out boots. I remind myself that gun are not bad. I remind myself that a kiss goodbye happens on good days. I remind him to put a vest on. I remind him I love him.




Outside my window I can hear more and more of our officers running to the danger. I know he is not alone. I know that good will prevail today, at any cost. It is that cost I am sick of paying. It feels deeply personal every time an officer pays that price. It is my family. It is a person who would do anything to keep me safe. We have already paid too much, our blue family may come home, but it is never over.

I have never really had much to say about gun laws. I usually feel inadequate expressing sorrow for a tragic event such as what happened in the elementary school today. But over the last several hours I have been able to look at the events and my own life, like we all have. For the first time in years I cried for children I did not even know, but I cried for my own also. My children are the same ages as the children in that school, something not unique to me. My children could have been there. It is easy to put myself in the shoes of the parents who lost a child today, or a parent who was so blessed to bring their child home. The trauma all the children now face is beyond my ability to understand. There is a fake news site (one that I personally cannot stand) that posted an article about the events, they put into worlds quite well what I think most people are feeling right now “Fuck this shit I can’t fucking deal with it!”  Yep. That really is all we can say right now. The best thing I have ever been told when I was facing a loss of my own was “Well, This suck!”  Because it does, but nothing anyone says or does will undo what was done.  I don’t think this is the time to start the argument over “more guns or less guns” “more God, or more tolerance, and understanding” Truth be told, I wanted more guns in the RIGHT hands and less guns in the criminal hands.  I prayed and I cannot understand or tolerate what happened.

But because the topic of Gun control, and such has come up it has be on my mind today as well. I don’t think we as a nation can make an emotional choice on this topic, and I know we are highly charged emotionally. When looking at the data, the understanding of good and evil, the mindset of people, teachers, cops, and others there is no simple solution to this problem we have.  Here is what I know: Gun crimes kill more people when the good guys don’t have a way to protect themselves. Every choice we make has the potential to snowball into dire states. Let us say we unarm all of America, Crime WILL go up, the government WILL become too powerful, Innocent people WILL die, more children WILL die.  Do not be like the Jews and say “That cannot happen!”  Because it can, it has, and it WILL again if we let it.

Let us say we take the other extreme and arm the teachers and school staff. Let’s start out with just one armed officer at each and every school. Things will take time, but the schools WILL become a prison, the students will be taught by the military (not called the military clearly!)  But order WILL be held at all times, with an armed guard. Our governments WILL dictate more and more of what a student can and cannot do, learn, and think, and before we know it our nation will be enslaved by propaganda.

So what is the solution?  Go back to homeschooling?  No, there are cases that show that is no safer.  Embrace the arming of everyone?  Maybe?  Unarm everyone? (I want a fighting chance against my enslavement thank you very much!) No.  The simple truth is that there is NO solution. Good and evil will always fight for balance. There will always be sick unhealthy people out there. And the sad truth is that this SUCKS, but there is nothing that can be done to stop it.  What we can do is the best we can do to keep ourselves safe, our children safe, and understand that life really does just suck at times. Raise YOUR children the best you can, love strong, forgive always.

The day I found Ammo in the dryer

I have had this blog for a few years now. I write here and there, but the name has always made me smile. I think I got it from a list of “you know you are a police wife when . . . .” you find ammo in the dryer.

Today just that happened.

I did the wash like I always do, but stayed in the laundry room to fold some cloths with the dryer going, something I rarely do. It was a good thing I stayed, I heard a clink, clink, clink in the dryer and went to check. Sure enough in T-rex’s pants pocket was one un-shoot bullet.

SO, I did what any great police wife would do. I took a picture of it and sent it to T-rex. Then things got really fun!  I never text T-rex when he is at work because most of the time he is driving around. It took him a few minutes but he called me back in rush.

T-rex: What was the picture of?

Me: a bullet you that got washed!

T-rex: “oh really?”

Me: “Yes!”

T-rex: “Okay I got to go I am in the middle of a chase”

 

Then I didn’t hear from him for an hour. Our whole county is just about an hour drive, and if they are speeding it wouldn’t take that long, right?!  So I was just about to panic when I get a text from him “Not a chase, just a man hunt” 

And this is also the day I put ammo in his pillow.  Because I don’t have anything else. . . . .

Sometimes I am crazy . . . Other times I am nuts

Today was one of those perfect days where the weather I great and the air I fresh, then the kids got up.

Actually it wasn’t that bad today. The kids were okay, but I had too much peace when they were asleep. It gave me time to think, and yet I sit down to write it and I cannot remember anything but how I need to clean the playroom.

Yesterday my mom and I had like an hour long conversation on the benefits of rose flavored fragranced Toilet paper.

Last week I saw the old doctor across the way bring the old lady next door some cookies or something. It was a cute moment.

Today UPS dropped off my third history book for my next classes.  This is the THIRD book and it’s bigger than my bible.

With the Olympics going on I think I can do some of that . . . so I started to work out. It lasted two day, I have a blister.

I am doing my history paper on the Panama Canal.  It is due next week, I haven’t started.

T-rex is on nights. Nothing about that . . . other than it explains some of the crazy.

I didn't drop off the face of the blog world . . . Yet. . . I don't think . .

Things have been good.  But just Good, and then not too hot, and then you know, OKAY.  O.K.A.Y.  And we have been happy in OKAY for the last few months. 

It’s the middle years of being a police officer.  About 7 years right now, some of that time in the jail, some on the road, but 7 years seeing the trash society spits out can make a person well. …..Just OKAY. 

There is nothing wrong with Okay, only that it is not great!  T-rex and I have also been married for almost 9 years. . .we are doing Okay.  Well sometimes we are doing WOW AWESOME!!  And other times I try to think of places to put the body . . .but that’s all okay.

T-rex is getting to the point where the job is just another job, and that is fine, we all get that way with things.  I have days where there is nothing you can do to get me motivated to take care of the kids, so I do it halfass and call it day.  Other days I am like amazing mom with book reading powers and owe kisses to save the world.  Yeah I rock that much!

I guess the hard part for me right now is that I can’t see my life without T-rex being a police officer in some way.  He is part cowboy here; it is in his blood kind of thing.  Without that he would change and so would I.  There is nothing wrong with change, and I want him to be happy, but he is a police officer and I am a police wife that is just how it is.  So seeing the satisfaction level drop a million points is hard.

Not to mention in a life where there is no stability I just now found some and he isn’t really feeling it.

I wonder if he and the department can get some therapy like couples therapy?  I wonder how that would even go:

T-rex: “You made me miss dinner again!”

Department: “It’s because I need you!”

T-rex “You gave me a bad evaluation on something I do amazing awesome on!”

Department “I am sorry!  You are so much better than you have been this last week.”

T-rex “yeah well, I haven’t gotten any sleep, and I don’t want to deal with dumb people anymore”

Therapist: “how could you two help each other to be better to one another?”

                                Oh T-rex if only you knew that now that your eyes were open to the dumb people you would see them everywhere for the rest of your life.  If your wife can spot a drunk driver now there is no hope of going back.

Don’t forget your coffee!

There are no words to explain the feeling a police wife has when her husband is called out in the middle of the night, to go do who knows what, and he will be back when he is back. And we say WHEN even if there are moments of fear that it might be IF.

Today is a rainy, windy, stay at home and watch a movie day. T-rex just got done working a 12 hour night shift. He stayed up to chill out thinking this was going to be his day off and he wanted to get switched around. About two hours after falling asleep he gets a call “Time go gear up and go” I hear yelling from the room to find T-rex trying to get awake and dressed. All I am ever told is “I got to go” sometimes I might get more information after everything is done, but the truth is sometimes he doesn’t even know what is going on until he is in the middle of it.  I do my best to be the good wife, make him some coffee and find his pants (wives always find the pants). Still it’s too soon and he gone. I am left alone with more questions than answers.

I know it is part of the job, I know I am not the only wife who has to deal with this, it just stinks. Tomorrow is Lilly’s birthday. There is so much to do and I suddenly just want to sit around the phone. I know that sitting around the phone will not help me at all, and will drive me and everyone nuts. Still the worry, or stress, or something takes hold and I feel unsettled until he comes back home.

Maybe it is just habit, maybe I am a little nuts, but I sit and run my plan in my head at least once within the first hour or two of him being gone.  I would move back home, I would stay with his parents until I could get on my feet, my kids would go to their aunt’s house for daycare, we will stay near family, I will pay off school and get a job. The plan is just to make sure the kids and I don’t starve to death, I can’t think of anything else. I am sure that type of pressure on him is not good, I hope he knows that there is a plan and that we would keep going.... I can’t add emotions to it, there are already too many emotions going.

I took the kids to the store, Rae needed new shoes, and she always needs new shoes!  I felt so detached from everything; even a distraction that keeps my mind off T-rex does not keep my mind in the here and now.  It’s not that I cannot function; there is just a weight in the air.  It’s not that I cannot be happy; I just wish he was here. The unknown is also hard for me. I know some people can deal with it, I just wish that I knew. 

So for today, we will go about our day with a lot of unknowns, and some worry.  There is something about your husband being called away with no notice that is unlike anything else with this job, and there is already enough stress with this job!  Oh well, off to make me some coffee and read a book.  

My melt down

Yeah about that, sorry.  The stress of college and T-rex changing hours really must have gotten to me. Oh who cares!  The point is I ended up with an A not a D on that paper I was stressing out about, so I feel like a dork.  Moving on. .  .

About T-rex and the motorcycle club!  He joined as soon as he got a bike; it was something he wanted to do long before he even got the bike.  Oh and he got a Harley. . which I love. .. . and I am not a bike person. Oh I really love the Harley!

Okay anyway, the club info right?? http://www.expendablesmc.org/ look em up on face book too, you will likely find a chapter in your state, if not start one!  T-rex started the chapter in our state, and already has the 4 needed for a chapter.  I guess I need to get “old lady” patches.  But I will punch anyone who calls me an old lady.. ..You have been warned.

Maybe I will get T-rex to write about the club soon.