I sat there. Outside on the patio set. The one I had to have. The one that represented a life style I desperately wanted. You see, I was going to get up early everyday, drink my coffee, and enjoy a few minutes outside before going off to work. That was the plan. But as I sat there today it was clear the plan never worked, and soon never would.
Several months ago I knew I had to leave my job teaching. I could write a whole blog just about that adventure! Lets leave it that after two years of abuse it was time to go, but still really hard! We have to sale our house, pack up and move.
All of that left a sad feeling, feeling unwanted, feeling trapped, feeling, alone, feeling broke (actually being broke!)
So the plan was set, pay off all the debit we can (way to much to go into here) and get some in savings, move and start a new job. I found a wonderful teaching job that I am currently eager to start. Yet I still look around my current home and feel a deep loss, everything I wanted was set here, but none of it ever came to be. Some of that comes with the crazy life of a cop. We never did host a party, I usually slept in late because I stayed up late.
It has just been hard. There is nothing else to say about it really. I am saying goodbye to a life I thought I wanted, but never even put into place. I am saying goodbye to the idea of this place more than anything. (And all the stuff we sold to make the move possible)