1. Enjoy taking uniform off husband. Actually, just think you will enjoy taking uniform off husband. The stink and sweat make the uniform unpleasant to touch, when it is off there is an even nastier vest and undershirt on.
2. Tell husband to put uniform in the hamper.
3. Husband gets uniform in hamper but puts vest and undershirt on bed.
4. Yell at husband for putting vest and undershirt on bed! (see how to wash a Kevlar vest and stinky undershirt)
5. Notice husband did not take off all the “brass” so spend about 10 minutes messing with that. Poke your little finger, and yell at husband for forgetting to take the “metal poky things” off.
6. Wash uniform according to directions; add a little more detergent because it was so close to stink vest and undershirt.
7. Dry uniform according to directions.
8. Spend 20 minutes looking for iron that you never use anymore.
9. Question the intelligence at the office. “Everything is 'wash and wear' any more, these guys are in the stone age!”
10. Spend 15 minutes getting all the wrinkles out.
11. Admire your work, and go brag to husband about it.
12. When husband remarks that it needs the little lines ironed down the legs throw uniform at his face.
13. Husband, now a cop, and master of verbal judo, makes you feel guilty and determined to get it right. The usage of “Mark’s wife. . . . .” is enough to make you want to stab him, but you are better than Mark’s wife so off you go to try again!
14. Get back to laundry room where the iron was still left on. I guess it was a cosmic sign or something.
15. Burn finger on hot iron.
16. Give up and take uniform to the cleaners so they can “press” it. Spend a few minutes daydreaming about what “pressing” a uniform means. I, personally, am sure they have a thing the size of a bed that smashes the uniform into shape. I don’t want one, so I should take the uniform to a place where they already have one.
17. Sneak out back door so husband does not see you are not like “Mark’s wife”
18. When out stop and get a nice cup of coffee, you know the kind that cost over a day’s salary
19. Show Husband clean and pressed uniform. Take all the credit, and ask if he thinks you are better than “Mark’s wife" now! When he says "yes babe, Mark’s wife takes his down to the cleaner” and starts to laugh avoid dumping coffee on him, but it is okay to throw uniform at his face again.
20. Write a random letter to the office ever day saying how the cops look stupid in their dressy uniforms, even though secretly you think nothing is hotter than a cop in uniform. Recommend all the cops go to “wash and wear” uniforms, also called soft uniforms. A polo shirt would be just fine.
21. Mail said letters from the store where you are going to stock up on massive amounts of starch. Who cares if your husband can’t move? The lines down the legs are never coming out!