Thursday, September 30, 2010

I got dead today

So T-rex is still out doing training. So I don’t really worry about him that much, but miss him more than if he was at home working all the time. I love getting to hear about what he is learning, well most of it anyway. Today he called to tell me all about his great training.

T-rex: “Yeah I did pretty good. Messed up a few times, I got dead once.”

Me: “WHAT?”

T-rex: “Yeah I got dead, this guy was suicidal, but then he turned the gun on us. I didn’t feel right shooting a guy who was going to shoot himself, but now I know.”

Me: “Don’t ever call me to tell me you got dead! (LONG pause T-rex starts to giggle) Oh well I mean I guess if you can call me you’re not really dead, and that is better than you just dyeing and not calling me, but still!!”

T-rex: “Um okay. If I ever die I will not call you. . .. “

UGH I just can’t win. It is not normal for a husband to call his wife and say “I got dead” And yes it was “I got dead” not “I died”. I guess that might make a difference.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


I wish I had a job like T-rex where I could buy toys and say they are for work.

T-rex: “I need this new clipboard”

Me: “Why?”

T-rex: “It’s for work.”

I later find out it has lots of lights, which makes it a toy.

T-rex: “I need some ammo”

Me: “Look in the dryer!”

T-rex: “No, I really need some ammo, I have to go shoot so I can practice for qualifications”

Me: “No, really, go look in the dryer”

No one can tell me a guy needing ammo is anything other than for fun, and that makes ammo a toy.

T-rex: “I need a new flashlight”

Me: “Why? You already have one the department gave you”

T-rex: “Because Popeye has one that is brighter.”

Oh my gosh! Again with the lights, shinny things count as toys!

T-rex: “Look at this cuff key, I want one.”

Me: “No, you already carry 3 with you at all times, the guys in your class even made fun of you for it”

T-rex: “Yeah but I will never not have a cuff key, and this one is cool”

Okay anything he already has 3 of and calls cool is a Toy!!

T-rex: “I need a new gun”

Me: “Oh really? What is wrong with the ones you have, you only have two hands!”

T-rex: “I don’t have a XYZ 900, and it would be better for (whatever he said) and the one the department gave me is (whatever he didn’t like about it)

Me: “um . . . . . . .”

Yep it’s a toy!

How lucky he is! I want toys too! But if he talks about getting me a gun for my birthday again I might just kick him!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Well . . . I guess I am not perfect. .WHAT?

If I could win an award for putting my foot in my mouth the most in one day I would have an award!

Let’s start with the fact that this week, and last week, and maybe even the week before have just stunk. And in many cases literally!

Okay so I have been a little quick to anger with all the stress. Yes, and I must not be getting sleep, and any other excuse you can come up with. I pled with you dear readers don’t blame me!

You know how I got an F on my deviance proposal. . . Yeah that thing, the teacher was so mean right. Yeah stay on my side! Well I got an email back. . Bout time!

Teacher: “The 3 sentences you sent in did not cover anything in the assignment. If you would like to look over the assignment and send in a full proposal I would be happy to look at it.”

My head: “Gosh they let anyone be a teacher. Can’t even keep her students right, did she not read? HUH? Three sentences my foot (Okay I didn’t think foot, but yeah).

I wrote: “My proposal was 407 words long, a full page. It is attached again, if you can’t see it all please let me know and I will send it in an email not an attachment. Thank you again for checking into this”

Okay I can say it was a little snotty sounding, but I did try!

I then checked my sent messages, and opened the original attachment I sent. IT WAS ONLY 3 SENTENCES LONG!!! It was a VERY rough draft of my project idea! Truly I have no idea how that happened as the full thing is saved to my computer, and nothing else.

And even with that she gave me like a 40% I should be happy!

T-rex said this is why cops wait until they get all the facts before they start jumping to conclusions about people or things. I say PLAH.

I quickly emailed the teacher back explaining that she was right, and I was wrong, and I don’t know how that happened etc. She replied back that she will change my grade accordingly tomorrow. So I will not know how I did until tomorrow afternoon.

Right now I will be happy with a C (which I would only really be happy with if this was Spanish class!).

Sadly this is only the latest of my social mess ups. . . I guess I am more deviant than I thought!

*** I got an A on the proposal and am cleared to give it a go!!  I even got a 100%  So even with messing my brilliance is great!   hahaha okay so I not so sure about that either!  ****

Edit 9/30/2010

Monday, September 20, 2010

Me? A deviant?

I am not going to like this class, I can already see it. I am taking social deviance online this semester. I am fascinated with social deviance. Hum, could it be because my husband works in that field, and we end up spending many hours talking about it? We look at society completely different, but we both tend to have an interest in the same things.

Okay, but MY HUSBAND IS A COP! I am not going to go around being deviant. Well, I guess that depends on the definition of deviant being used. But I am not going to go around breaking rules and laws, not only do I have to live in this small town, but MY HUSBAND IS A COP. UGH. That is why I am going to hate this class, well that and I am just not generally a very deviant person. Okay, so I dressed in black all throughout high school, I don’t know if you can really call that deviant.

Oh, for this class I have to pick a deviant act that I can repeat at least 3 times. I then have to do this act and write a report on that. Now, my mom had the best idea of eating a sandwich when grocery shopping, but there is no way I could do that! How embarrassing! I don’t wish to break social norms; people who tend to do that are a short stop away from jail time.

So I picked something that would not embarrass me, was not illegal, and would not get me kicked out of our only grocery store. I got an F. I should say I got an F on the idea, we had to send in our ideas first, and then if we get the okay we can do the project. My idea was to give 4 random people 5 bucks and see their reactions. Now, if we say deviant is something out of the norm, then I made that qualification, and that was the only one there. UGH, I can tell the teacher is looking for something that is embarrassing, or borders on illegal. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I have NEVER gotten an F on a written report before. . .I mean look at how great I write (Grammar police just shhh!), okay so I might be master of B.S. but still an F?

I still don’t know what to do for my report, so if anyone has any ideas that would be great. Nothing to nasty, illegal, unsafe, etc. Why does deviant have to be bad? Hahaha, isn’t just telling people my husband is a cop out of the norm enough?? I guess I will see what the teacher says tomorrow

Sunday, September 19, 2010

They love him!

T-rex has been gone at training for a few months now. We have gotten used to him only being home on the weekends. I get to spend all weekend with the kids running around doing mom stuff, and then on the weekends T-rex can take over some of the work. Things like running errands, and changing Rae, who at 2 ½ is only almost potty trained. (That’s another headache for another time.) But I am the one who, Monday till Friday is here for the kids, cooking, cleaning, and everything else they need.

So why is it that when T-rex comes home for the weekend they only want him?! I turn into chopped liver. Oh you think I am overly sensitive on this??

Today T-rex made grill cheese and soup. He burnt the grill cheese, way burnt it!

Lilly: “its okay Daddy, you didn’t burn it as much as mommy does, she can’t cook anything.”

UGH! Well I have never burnt grill cheese as much as he did today. No matter that it’s true I can’t cook anything. Now if that statement was not bad enough, all three of the kids happily ate all of their food. I am lucky to get them to eat anything other than fruit gummy snacks.

He can do nothing wrong in their eyes. Part of me really loves that. My dad is still superman. I know that kids grow out of that at some point, but I never really did, and I hope my girls don’t either. Their dad is one great dad.

But I never burnt grill cheese!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

In my head. . .

There are a lot of great things going on in my head that I don’t say because I am Grownupish. I have decided to share some of them with you.

1. Yes I get it T-rex, I will call you back in 10 minutes, let me finish talking to my mom! It’s a girl thing you just don’t get. NO, you don’t need to call 5 times in 3 minutes. I GET IT! Also, just because I don’t pick up the phone doesn’t mean I am dead.

2. Dude, this is a school yard, there is no need to smoke right now, right here. Dumb people tick me off. (Now my friend did say something to dumb smoker, and that could be why we are friends!)

3. She is so cool I would so share my Barbie with her.

4. You think my cussing is distasteful? I think your boobs in flapping in the wind are distasteful!

5. Funny names for poop are stupid.

6. Hahaha my kid is cooler than your kid; just don’t mind the bangs in her face!

7. Wow, some of the moms here need a mirror; oh she makes my mirror look dirty or something, why am I dressed in this? At least I am not dressed in that!

8. Stop biting your nails?! Do you want everyone to think I am a bad mom?! Why do you that anyway? Its ugly, I don’t get it, ouch. STOP IT!

9. Eww feet! Get em away, don’t come near me. . . .Socks dude socks, that is all I am asking, clean socks. . am I asking too much. . EWWWW (this has been said to a few, so it’s not just something I have learned to keep in my head all the time, but most of the time)

10. Ugh I don’t care about sally’s life story! If I wanted to know I would have said something other than hello. She is boring, I think it would be fun to use duck tape on her.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Our first run in with the law!

Lilly is in 1st grade now. She loves it, other than getting up early. She is just shy of evil in the morning, she gets that from me, so I understand.

She does really well in school. She can read a little, and write. She has to make her letters just right. Knowing Lilly’s personality I never did think she would get into a lot of trouble. Last year she did get in a little trouble for sticking her tongue out at the lunch lady. I don’t blame her there at all. They run the lunch room like a military base. I cried the one day I ate lunch with her. A little boy next to me got sent to the “bad kids” table, and as far as I could tell he didn’t do anything wrong. She told me about it, and how she told the teacher she was sorry. Really that was the only issue we ever had with her last year.

Well this year is not going so well already. She got “a stick pulled” I guess they pull a stick out of their cup or something. Green is for a warning, yellow is for last chance, and red is for no play time. She had to pull green. Because she was talking during calendar time.

Now Lilly is really shy. Part of me was happy she was talking with friends. I can’t help it; I guess I try to look at the good. In my head I did the whole soft music, butterfly’s song and dance “My kid has friends!”

But I could tell she was really upset about this. She did not look at me, she almost started to cry and she yelled at her sisters. I started to feel really bad for her. How could people be so mean as to make her pull a stick?!

We talked about it a little, and I said the bad thing a parent should never say. . “Well, I am disappointed in you.” But more on that later.

I could not bring myself to dish out a punishment, so I asked Lilly what she thought should happen. She said “I will not talk at home so I can practice being good in school.” I nearly died of laughter. But I didn’t see anything wrong with that idea. Even if I knew it would only last a few minutes. What a smart kid! She did have to tell her dad what happened. I feared T-rex would yell at her or ground her or worse yet tell her that he is disappointed in her! He didn’t. He was very cool about it. He always gets to be the cool parent.

When my mom called I asked Lilly if she wanted to talk to Grammy. Lilly put her head down and mumbled no. She was still too upset. But Grammy talked to her and told Lilly that no matter what Grammy, Papa, Mom and Dad will always love her. I really think Lilly needed that. Well, almost. Lilly made a point of saying she didn’t have to run any laps, or stay in from play time. It was only the green stick after all.

Then T-rex and I got to talk and I told him how I told Lilly I was disappointed. And once I repeated it to another person I felt like the world’s worst mom! T-rex almost flipped out! “How can you say that, I would take a beating, yelling, cursing, and grounding, anything over the D word!!!”

I started to bust up laughing! Mostly because he was right! I told myself I would never tell my kids I was disappointed in them, and yet here I was. I told my sweet child that she failed me. I think that is part of why she was so upset today. Well I would have been. But I really was disappointed in her; she never gets into trouble like that. If it was Dino I would have asked if that was all she got into today. Each kid is different and Lilly is not my typical trouble maker.

Well worst parent award or not, we kept talking about it today. She decided to make her teacher a little card that said “I am sorry for talking in class.” We talked about why we should not talk in class, and we went over calendar time stuff again. I also told her how very proud of her I was. How proud of her for telling me right away that she got a stick pulled, and how no matter what I still love her. I hope that the love is what is lasting, not my disappointment. I know she is only 6 and learning a lot. Looks like we both learned a lesson from her run in with the law. Pray for me, Dino is only in her second week of school!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I could be a cop!

Okay, well not really. I don’t want to deal with all the stuff that T-rex has to deal with. I also don’t think it is good for our girls to grow up in a house with two cops. One is bad enough! But I know just about as much stuff as T-rex does now. I could pass the test thing that they give the cops. I am sure that I could be a good shooter and pass that too. I also think the training sounds good. Mostly I think the training sounds good because it gets me away from the kids for a little!

I have heard him talk about all the stuff they are learning this week and I am sure that I could pass the test. I have already thought of using my new knowledge to get the kids to do as they should.

The local police department has a position opened. I told T-rex I wanted to apply. He just laughed at me and said I couldn’t do it. I think I could do it just fine. . . . I just don’t think I really want to do it. I have no wish to see car crashes, pull over the drunken judge, or deal with the million other stupid things that there are to deal with all in the hope of catching that one bad guy.

Besides that I think one of us needs to still be able to see that the town is not made up of criminals and badge bunnies . . . and that is getting harder and harder for me to do. I think I am starting to like the criminals more.

I could be a cop! I just don’t want to. And I would look fat in a vest anyway.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Why grammar police will never be as cool as real police

1. Grammar police write corrections not tickets

2. Grammar police have pocket protectors not “batman” belts

3. Police get groupies (badge bunnies) Grammar police get more nerds

4. Police get cars with lights on them, Grammar police get red pens.

5. Grammar police carry dictionaries not guns

6. Police get to look hot in uniform!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Why do bad things always happen in threes?

I am so ready for training to be over!

Today the dishwasher flooded the basement. The paneling that is in the laundry room is ruined. The dishwasher is again useless. And there is a good chance I have poison mold growing infecting everyone.

The van did not start this morning. Well, rather, it took 4 tries to get it going today. It made that funny sound but never clicked over. Just sounds. We have been having issues with the driver side door, and I noticed it did not start when I had the door open, but once I closed the door it started. I don’t know much about cars but I am sure that the driver side door and the start are not connected. At least, I never had an issue with that before. I want a new car. I have never wanted something so much in my life. I want a new car so bad I cried. T-rex wants a motorcycle. I don’t want him to get a motorcycle, money aside; I think they are made to kill people. People should not drive at fast speeds without some kind of “wall” between them and the very hard ground. Also four wheels are better than two!

Then the end all, one of our hermit crabs died. I picked up his shell, like I do from time to time, and this little nasty crab thing fell right out. It made me jump, pee a little, and freak out a lot. I had to scoop him out of the tank thing and tell the girls. We buried him in the back yard. No one wanted to say any worlds. Poor crab died alone. Not that I cared he always snapped at me anyway. But Lilly is all upset, she says that it was her crab and she wants to keep his shell to remember him by. I told her no. I think it is gross. That made her sadder.

But what really ticked me off is the fact that I have to deal with all of this alone. When I called T-rex to tell him about the crab he just said “Well get rid of it.” Well DUH! But how about “Oh babe I am sorry. I will talk to the kids. Are you okay?” Nope he was playing games with the guys. Err! Not only do bad things have to happen in threes, but I have to deal with it all. Just today I told my mom I didn’t want to be a grown up anymore. She said “told you so” well not just like that but, but she would have! I would have too!

So, my three bad things for the week are out of the way!! Yippy! Good luck from here on out. If I could pick the three good things to happen, first I want a new car, then a new dishwasher, and for the kids to never want another pet again! Hey, a gal can dream right?

Monday, September 6, 2010

HOW TO: Pack a lunch for a cop

1. Get out old lunch box.

2. Decide lunch box is to small and look for small cooler

3. Find small cooler in garage

4. Find BIG bugs in small cooler

5. Yell at husband for keeping cooler in garage

6. Ignore husband when he reminds you that you asked him to put it in garage

7. Wash out cooler with HOT water and bleach

8. Open refrigerator and find enough food for a small army

9. Pack small cooler full of food.

10. Put in a few water bottles and cans of soda

11. Make husband take small cooler to car, as it is now so heavy

12. Listen nicely next day as husband tells you everything that was wrong with lunch

         a. The bread got mushy

         b. I don’t like mustard

         c. The drinks got hot

         d. Leftover meatloaf is fine if it can be heated up, which it can’t

         e. Old baby food does not count as a fruit

        f. A spoon would have been nice

        g. A fork too

       h. Why was there a jar of pickles?

13. Tell husband you will do better today

14. Give husband $10 and tell him to go to the 24/7

15. Yell at husband to put small cooler back in garage.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

A day in the life. . .

This was my day today.

I got up to get Lilly off to school. Her first full day in first grade! She loves school. I hope she keeps that love for school for a long time. The goal is one month!

Dealt with a cranky Rae, she is working so hard on potty training. She peed all over the bathroom, and cried. I felt really bad for her, until I had to clean the bathroom.

Dino was also cranky because she didn’t get to go to school today. They do some odd stuff for Kindergartners here. She only goes a half a day in the afternoons, but the first week is all messed up.

Then I made up my mind to go out of town to do the grocery shopping. (Our town is small!) In my typical fashion I pick to go at the worst time ever! It was raining so hard, and there was road work on the evil bridge. So I had my fair share of adrenaline, which always makes me sick when I come down.

Once in town to do the shopping I ran into a million dumb drivers. (Yes we all know I cant drive, but at least I know the laws and stuff!) As I was cursing one driver out Dino yelled at me.

Dino: “Mom, you should not yell at the other drivers like that. You’re not that good of a driver either.”

Yeah how do you respond to a 5 year old who says that?

I just told her the other drivers were way worse than I was, and . . . um. . . let’s get juice at the store too.

That worked well enough.

Back home was busy cleaning and doing typical mom stuff. Yell at kids, clean table, yell at kids, clean bathroom, yell at kids, wash dishes by hand, and repeat.

The highlight of my day is when T-rex calls, okay so it is also a pain because he has the world’s worst timing on stuff. Today was even more of a pain because his phone kept dropping the call. So this is what I got. He is working on a case, he is the captain, there are dead bodies, he burned a bridge, and sitting on a house is no fun.

He is in training! But the way he talked it was a real case. I did a few more details than if it was a real case like “dead bodies” “burned a bridge” and “sitting on a house” All of that I would not have been told if it were real, but still he talked about it like everything was really going on. I guess they do that kind of training for a reason.

Yet he still kept a lot of details out. I think I might bug him about it this weekend, after all this might be the only time I get to know about a case, even if it is just for training.

Well that is about my day, deal with cranky kids, clean, panic, hear about dead bodies. Sounds like an average day around here. Now I am off to do my own homework.

Mr. K to the rescue!

Well, almost.

My dishwasher was not getting things clean, so I did what I do and called a cop. (This is turning into a bad theme.) I called Mr. K because he has tools. Don’t most grandpa/dad type people have all the crazy tools one might need? I didn’t think of the fact that Mr. didn’t have a dishwasher. Oh well.

It took a few minutes to get down to the, I don’t know, “guts” of the dishwasher. There Mr. K found the problem.

Mr. K: “AH, here are some parts. Hum, looks like they went right here. Oh, Yellow come look at this.”

Me: “what?”

Mr. K: “You see this seed, (it was a BIG seed from something) it got stuck in here and broke this little arm that holds all these parts together and then it goes right here.”

Me: “oh, well T-rex did dishes this weekend, so I will make him fix it when he gets home again”

Mr. K: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! T-rex did dishes!!!!!! Yeah right!”

Me: “um, what part do I need?”

Mr. K: still laughing “I am not sure call Maytag”

I am sticking to my story that T-rex did the dishes. But I do find it funny that Mr. K knows better.

I ordered the part and it will be here next week, so that is good!

On better news I got the windshield replaced in the van! No more risk of a ticket.