Monday, January 31, 2011

Can we come up for air?

Yes, this is a little whine, what I like to call Yellow’s freak out moment.

Am I the only one who feels like our officers can’t seem to get a break? They can’t come up for air? Now sure I know that bigger cities might deal with this kind of stuff every day, but my small town seems maybe ONE big thing a year. Not 5 in a week. And I know that it is not just my small town, towns and people all over the nation are facing more violent people. Perhaps it is just the time of year, maybe it is time the poor economy catches up with crime, I don’t know but I don’t like it.

In the 5+ years T-rex has been in Law enforcement I have never felt like the officers were under attack. Maybe because he was “nice and safe” in the jail for most of that time I didn’t notice all the dangers? I don’t know something just seems to have changed. I have been lucky so far in that T-rex has not had to be in the action for much of what has been going on around here, but you can tell it is getting to him, like it is getting to all the guys. Not that he is stressed out and becoming a jerk, but the guys are working in a hyper-vigilant state and that can’t be good 24/7!

Then there are the fires. Yes two. Like I have said before our small town gets maybe one fire a year, and a few small farm fires. A house fire is rare. We have had two in the last month. One seems to have been set by someone who didn't live at the house, but that is just gossip around town. The second one DH was just getting off work when it was reported, so he went long enough to block traffic until the Fire Department got there, and then he went home. But I think he went home because he was tiered, worn out, and it was upsetting. He was there long enough to hear the dog in the house whine and cry before dying. I can just imagine how hard that must have been, being right there hearing the cries for help and yet not being able to do anything about it.

No, T-rex is not a big baby, he does a lot that most people couldn’t do, but he loves dogs, and he is the guy who is there to help but in a moment was unable to do anything. I mean this is the guy who can look Bambi in the eyes say sorry and then blow her brains out. (I think that is a job requirement here actually).

I wonder if a lot of the cops feel like that right now. Hearing cries from other departments, and yet having to sit back and watch as another officer is shot, killed, or put in danger. I am starting to understand why T-rex and the other officers say “just shoot em all” because it quickly becomes a game of “me vs. them”

There is so much more going on here, but like most things in Law Enforcement I don’t know it until the News reports it. But let me just say, I will be happy when T-rex goes back to patrolling the small town for silly teenagers who are making out near kissing rock!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

100th Post!!!

Yippy! I made it to 100 posts! I thought I would have given up by now. And although my writing has slowed down a little I still think I am keeping at it well enough. I will get back into the swing of things soon enough.

School has been kicking my butt and I don’t know why. I guess I just don’t have much motivation for it right now. I found out I will not be graduating in May like I thought. I am just a few classes short. I have all the classes I need for my major I just also need some more upper division classes. I am not a big fan of more classes, but I can take something like Art, or something that will seem like an easy A until I get into the class!

Everyone is doing well around here. Seems like the same old same old. I guess at some point you just get used to the life of a cop’s wife. . . .At least for a few hours. I have learned that once I think I get it, it changes. . Whatever it is.

T-rex has been working nights, and they are short a guy right now so he is working nights alone. I have found out I am not a big fan of that. I wish he had someone else with him at least most of the night. He seems to be doing okay, and we are getting along well enough. Until he told me he was going to be gone for a week during our daughter’s birthday for more training. I don’t know why but that really upset me. He will be home for her party and this time he is only going to be gone for a week. I know it will not be that bad, but it still made me mad. I wish that he could be home every night for dinner. That would be so cool. Then again I might get sick of seeing him so much now.

I think part of the reason I have not posted in the last few days is because of all the stuff going on in the news. Well the news is not doing anything, but they are reporting about all the bad stuff going on right now. I don’t really want to get into it, or my thoughts on the sad things that are going on right now but let me just say it is upsetting.

I understand that T-rex’s job is not really a “safe” job, but never before have I ever felt like he was in a war, like all the guys (and gals) are under attack. Most of the time I can write the bad stuff off as just a bad thing that happened, but for some reason I can’t just write this off. It is sad and scary. I could go on and on about this but I guess I am just not ready.

So anyway, I am still around! No matter what life seems to go on. . .. there is that saying “whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” I don’t really agree with that, but whatever doesn’t kill you is not going to stop tomorrow from coming.

Oh, I also got a few messages about people not being able to comment. I am so sorry! I have not been on here to check things out that much and well I don’t know what happened. I think I have it fixed, if you are still having issues please email me or something so I know what needs fixed. . .also if you think you know what is causing the issues please let me know. I am the first to say there are a lot of things I am still “computer dumb” on.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Huh what? Fire!

So, it has been some time. Life sure does get crazy, and FAST!

My computer broke. Well, a kid steeped on it, and the screen cracked a little. It was workable, just not really well. So that is part of the reason.

I started classes again. I thought I was going to graduate in May. I was already and happy to be done with College. Turns out I needed 3 more classes! I have all the classes for my major, I have all my gen.Eds. done. I just needed upper division classes. Something that did not show up on my degree summary. So I dropped a class and am going to have a little more time to, you know, do my work!

But really the reason I have not written in so long is because when tragedy hits it is hard to put into words everything you are thinking.

About a week ago now my neighbor’s house caught on fire. It was about midnight when a PD officer just making his rounds noticed the smoke and was able to get everyone out of the house safe. But seeing my friends in such a state and then seeing the red flames just pouring out of their house kind of got to me. Everyone is safe. And they are doing well. The joy of a small town is that people come together in times of need like this. The local Red Cross set them up in a hotel for a few weeks, they have had people offer to rent houses, donations of nearly everything a person could use. The loss of “stuff” was great, nearly everything is gone. A few things were saved but not enough. At the same time it is a miracle that everyone was able to get out okay.

I got to go into the house a few days after the fire and see the damage. Holes cover the walls, the smoke smell is permanently in everything, and there is ash on nearly every foot of the house. But what bothered me, and I am sure my neighbors, the most was that the rooms where they slept are chard black. There is nearly nothing left. The fire destroyed everything. Right where they were moments before.

The husband tells of looking for his youngest daughter (they have a total of 6 children! However, one is away at college right now) She was not in her bed when he went back up to get her. She had slipped into her sister’s bed. He panicked in the middle of the smoky room lucky to find a foot just in time.

Our house is right next to theirs, without even enough room for a one car garage. There is a tree in the middle of the open spot that touches both our houses. I think only a few small branches reach our roof. It was so close that you could smell the smoke and feel the heat in my daughter’s room. Dino just so happened to have woken up in time to see flames pouring out their front door. She has had a hard time with this. I think we all have.

The fire fighters thought they had everything out when they opened a wall to get the rest and flames shoot up covering the better half of the house. This is when T-rex came in and told me to get the kids ready to get outside any minute. I was oddly calm as I got the girls dressed and ready to go outside when told to. Luckily we never were told to get outside and the tree only got a little burnt. The fire fighter said that we were going to be okay because of the cold, no wind, and the tree had no leafs on it.

Still It messed with me. And for so long I have not let myself get upset over this because here I am safe and sound where my friends are hurting, lost, and have truly been affected by this. I guess I thought if I got upset about this that it would be selfish. And maybe on some level it is. Maybe it is easier for me to think of myself and my family than to really put myself in their place. Although I know that is not true I hurt for them deeply. I just don’t know.

We had their three dogs for a few days. But we could not keep up with them and our own puppy. Three little puppies in a house is way too much! (And I don’t even like dogs!) I cried when T-rex said we had to tell them we could not keep them anymore. I knew it was the right thing to do, and we did give them time to make other arrangements, and offered to find another home for the dogs. It just felt like, I don’t know, wrong. But then again, we were not ready for this. We are not set up to house a lot of puppies, and the messes, and the fighting, and everything else just got too much. They were able to find another place for the dogs, and my neighbors were really nice about it. I think they were just happy that we were able to take them for as long as we did. I just really wish there was more we could have done.

I guess that is what has been bothering me the most. I feel like I didn’t do enough to help, like there could have been more that we did to prevent this. I feel like I have no reason to be so upset and yet I am. I was freaked out. That was WAY too close to home. I have a hard time being away from my kids now. I know that my neighbors feel the same way.

Yet even after all of this we still all go on.

I am sure my neighbors would kill me if they knew I posted this, but eh! There was a fund thing set up for them; if any of you are looking for a good place to send your giving I would suggest a pay pal donation to Yes insurance is going to cover some, and they are getting a lot of clothing, but Money for food is really needed when they are living out of a hotel for the time being.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Yeah well, deal with it

So, I didn’t want to be another of the million “Mommy Bloggers” out there. And yet here I am, so deal with it for a moment?

Today is Rae’s Birthday! She is the baby of the family and turning 3!!! She is all mommy’s girl. And after having two who are most defiantly daddy’s girls it was very nice for me to have a mommy’s girl! She is also so much the baby of the family. Maybe that is mostly my doing, knowing she was our last child and all that. But whatever. It’s just hard to see her growing up so much. It is also hard to think that it has been three years!

But anyway, like most parents do before their children’s birthdays I asked Rae what she would like to get for her birthday. In no order here is the strange list we got this week.

Halloween decorations

Christmas tree

A big box

“All of this” (as she points to the TV DVD player, and Movies.)

A singing Barbie

A rainbow

If you take a quick look at the list you will see the only thing I MIGHT be able to get is a Barbie that sings. But that is so like Rae, she gets happy over all the silly things in life. She is kind and giving and easy to make happy.

But she is also 3 now! That means we have been dealing with anger, emotions, and at times kicking and screaming. She has been getting into things, making life a pain for her sisters. Last month she cut her long nice hair to her chin! Half way around her head her hair was chopped. Now it’s true she looks much better now, but still was not good. This is just part of her being 3.

T-rex does not seem near as heartbroken as I am. He just seems happy she does not want to date yet! That’s okay I am sure I will get my revenge. The kids will turn 16, I will be happy they are able to drive and I can mark “professional driver” off my list of duties, and T-rex will freak out! 10 more years till Lilly hits that mark! I can hold out.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

From my deeply philosophical, partially educated mind

(Is philosophical the right word? Eh)

Females are a pain, emotional, irrational, bossy and that other word that starts with a B. In-fact the ONLY time I ever heard my father say a curse word was the B. word when talking about a “friend” of mine. And although he may say he never said it, I will never forget because he does not say curse words, ever.

Anyway, he wasn’t too far off. As a female I can’t say I am an expert, no one can say they are an expert on females. However there are a few things I have noticed. First and most important is when you get a group of girls together they act like they are back in high school. And yes that is the technical term for it. Clicks are made; people are either in or out. Emotions run high. But what is worse is when there are a lot of girls in a leadership position. Or a manager’s position. One on one the girls are nice, kind and not showing off the “power” they hold. But you get a bunch of leaders in one room and the backstabbing fighting starts.

I have not seen this same kind of action with men, although I am sure they show off to prove who the bigger man is. But girls get moody and sneaky and at times just rude. Men don’t seem to push their power around near as much as females do. Maybe this is because as a female we feel we must always prove ourselves. I don’t really know. But seeing this in many cases has shown me just how different males and females are. I also think there is a reason why more males are cops than females, and I would hate to be in a town where the police force is all female!

But this is not to say that females can’t be good cops, some of the best cops I have known are females, but they work in a mostly male department. I am sure that if even the best female cop had to work with other great female cops chaos would ensue. Maybe this is also why I like to have male friends more than female friends when hanging out in a group. I don’t know. One you get past the fact that a males biggest issues is thinking with the wrong head half the time things go pretty well. A lot less drama anyway.

I have even noticed this among the police wives. Locally anyway. It seems that when we get together there is still that “I am better, my husband is better, and let me be a brat about it” kind of attitude. We brag no stop about how great we are, or our husbands are, we put others down, and it can get clicky and nasty quick. Yet alone, I love all the other wives. They are great strong women. They are really nice and kind and just working their butts off too. But to all the other police wives out there I would love to have you over for tea, just not all at once :)

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Finding peace in a morbid thought

T-rex worked New Years Eve, the roads were nasty and my mind was running wild. I hate to think of him getting hurt at work. And I think for the most part I do a fine job at not letting the morbid thoughts take over. Sure I write about them when they come up and maybe talk about them to death. But over all I think I do okay at nothing about him getting hurt every time he is out on the road.

But we had snow and ice and drunkness fun New Years Eve. And I hate driving in snow and ice. It also didn’t help that he worked no less than 3 slide offs in the first few hours he was at work. I hate driving. I worry all the time that we are going to slide off the road, and then to hear about T-rex working so many car accidents I worried.

I lay in bed alone, at around 1:30 and my typical panic set in. I thought I heard a knock at the door and in my drug induced sleep it was the Sheriff and under Sheriff here to tell me that T-rex was in an accident at work. And like most dreams I was yelling at them to go away one minute and the next I was packing my house up. Notice I missed telling the kids, which on some psychological level might mean something. I was going to stay at my parents’ house. They just moved to the city to open a Christian recovery house. So their house I empty and they need someone to rent it. Anyway there was a peace in knowing that there was some place I could go. I didn’t dwell on T-rex being gone, I just made a plan and moved on.

So in the morning when T-rex and I were talking this very thing came up. I let him know that if he was going to be so rude and die on me he better do it when he was at work. He agreed. The pay for me and the kids would be much better! Then we talked about me moving back to our home town if something happened and stuff, to which he only said “I wouldn’t care. . . I would be dead.” Nice way to comfort me!

Yet, I know I am not the only police wife who seeks to find the comfort and peace or security even in something so upsetting. And I know I am not the only wife who thinks of things like this.
NEW YORK - DECEMBER 31:  The Times Square New ...Well to my luck he came home with the rest of the night being slow, which is good. Holidays always bug me when he has to work. In all the years we have been married we have not been able to really spend a New Years Eve together. The first few I was pregnant and went to bed early. The last 5 or so he has worked, or that one I was pregnant and went to bed early! They say that whatever your life is like on New Years Eve your life will be like that the rest of the year. One year my mom got a speeding ticket on New Years Eve, she had never had one before, and the rest of the year she was getting pulled over and such. Well if it is any sign of my life I will go another year of not seeing T-rex much.

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