Tuesday, August 31, 2010

There goes Popeye!

PopeyeImage by Gianfranco Goria via FlickrT-rex will be happy to know I do it to everyone!

I am taking Spanish this year as a degree requirement. Which is all well and fine, but I still have a hard time with the English language! The book is even written in Spanish! I am doomed to fail this class.

Well being as resourceful as I am, I called the cops! T-rex worked with a guy in the jail who is fluent in Spanish. This guy will forever more be called Popeye.

As he was trying his best to explain what S.O.C.K.S means I started to play cartoons in my head. Mr. K, knowing me all too well, had to point this out to Popeye. At which point Popeye started to do old cartoon clips for me. (Old, like in before my time!) The only one he did which I was able to know was Popeye. I have to tell you he got it down great!

He tried some more to teach me about Spanish, I just didn’t get it. So next week I will go to the jail so Popeye can try and teach me some more.

Yes, I did just say Popeye’s going to teach me Spanish in jail.

Monday, August 30, 2010

A police officer’s anniversary

7 long years, or short years, have passed from the day I said “I do”

Actually I had to say “I will” But whatever, at the end of the day I was Mrs. T-rex!

Well, like nearly every anniversary, T-rex is gone today. There was no way to get out of it, no way to make a great diner plan, have a party, or even a date just the two of us. Kids came quickly; Lilly was born 9 months to the day after our wedding.

So to celebrate T-rex and I went to the movie on Saturday, at 2 in the afternoon. (Somehow even that was still so romantic!)

Being the good wife, and because he got me flowers a few days before, I let him pick the movie. This was a VERY bad idea! Maybe it’s all men, but we watched the most “manly” movie ever! It’s called The Expendables. T-rex says if you watch that movie and don’t like it then you don’t have Balls.

Every 5 minutes into the movie someone was getting their butt kicked or something was blowing up. Cool guns were as much a staple to the movie as old time action heroes. Um yeah?! Like action guys who were big in the 80’s and stuff. The whole idea was to save the girl from the bad guys, to do this you must blow a lot of stuff up.

Now tell me is this romantic for a wedding anniversary? NO it is not! But I still had a great time! I hate sappy mush romantic stuff anyway. But a comedy clearly would have fit our marriage better. Although I think T-rex says a horror, or action movie fits just as well. I promise I threw my phone at him next to him only once, and I still say if it was really at him I would have hit him!

Well T-rex I love you! I will be happy to put up with you for 77 more years! But, next year I get to pick the movie.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Ah the smart one?

Maybe smart Aleck!

Bedtime is always a pain around here. I think it is for most parents!

Well with three different beds to make it to, three different rooms to get ready for bed time, three set of PJ’s to put on, and Three blankets to find I am often times ready for bed myself when it is all said and done.

First I put Lilly to bed, because her room is upstairs. She is also easy to get into bed. It is the same every night. ME: “You need to pick up your room tomorrow or I am going to come in and put everything in the trash!” LILLY: “Okay mommy. I will do better tomorrow (she never does but eh). I love you and daddy, have a good night.”

Doors closed, night light on, all other lights in the house off, and she is good to go! I could put her to bed all day long!

Then it is down stairs to where Rae and Dion sleep. This is not as easy! I put Rae to bed first, giving Dion time to get PJs on, her room picked up and whatever else she needs to do (Pee 145 times!). But during this time Dion will come into Rae’s room at least twice. This is a big pain in the butt. Rae has to have her room spotless! If anything is out of place she will freak out and we have to pick it up right away! One day I left a paper from a toy in room and she came running upstairs yelling and angrily put it in the trash only to yell at me some more “Mom! That! Does! NOT! Go! In my ROOM!” Yeah OCD does not start to explain this 2 year olds need for a clean room. But I am on to put Dion into bed about 10 minutes after Rae.

Dion is a different set of issues. Her room is mostly clean, but they don’t play in her room much. Her bed is always a mess, and there is never a sheet on the bed. This would bother me, the first million nights of putting a sheet on her bed. Anymore I lay a blanket down and call it good. She gets a new sheet once a week, and after that I am done! But the biggest issue with Dion is she loves to talk! “Mom why is the sky blue? Did I eat dirt as a baby? Do you think daddy will come home tomorrow? I miss daddy? WHAT? WHY? WHY? WHY?” Yeah about 15 minutes later she is ready for her hug and kisses, where she does not let go! I think I save her for last because she wears me out so much!

Well that was all done, and I was ready to get into bed myself when I hear Rae yell “MOM! I need a hug and kiss!”

ME: “I already gave you a hug and kiss, go to bed!”

Rae: “But they are gone!”

Me: “what?”


I made my way down to her room where she informed me that she didn’t have a hug and kiss anymore. . SEE?

UGH! How do you explain to a 2 year old that you don’t keep hugs and kisses, and that they don’t go anywhere?

So I gave her another kiss and hug, told her to keep them because I wasn’t going to come back down to give her more. To that she replied, with her little hands around my neck “You stay here ForEVER!”

Once I made room for me on her little toddler bed she looked at me and said “You go to yours own room”

So cute I couldn’t stop the smiles for about half an hour. Then T-rex called and as I was telling him about this I realized that she was using me to get more hugs and kisses, and to stay out of bed longer!

I mean really that’s either a very silly 2 year old to say my hug went away, or a very smart one!

I think we are moving into a smaller house, all the kids will share one room, no toys, and before bed time I am going to give them all lots of sugar, timing right so when its bedtime it’s also when they are crashing from the sugar high.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Hey babe could you. . .

So T-rex came home and asked me: “Hey babe, could you get drunk tonight? I want to try out what I learned this week.”

Now, I don’t drink much. Wine with dinner is one thing, but for a person to get drunk, well it’s just distasteful to me.

At first I thought this was some bad pick up line. At least that would have been more normal!

Oh he learned about other drugs too. I am not allowed to drive after taking Benadryl anymore.

As long as I hide the cameras first I should be safe today! No need for him to introduce me as subject number one to his class.

I would write more about this, but like any good wife I am doing my part to help my husband.

The clarification process can bring out the cl...Image via Wikipedia

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Going to see T-rex

I drove 2 hours to see T-rex for only 2 short hours to drive back home again!

Tuesday I got all the kids in the car for the long drive to see T-rex at the academy. The drive down there was not bad, it was about noon when we started our long trip, but the kids always do well in the car. With just one stop I thought we were making great time. I knew T-rex didn’t get out until 5, but thought the kids would enjoy the museum.

T-rex called about 30 minutes into the trip. I guess he heard the GPS, because he said “I don’t know but I have a feeling you are on your way down here.” I didn’t know what to think! Some quick thinking left me to lie to T-rex. Lilly did not like that at all! I knew I should not have picked up the phone!

The museum was great! At least I thought so; the kids didn’t like it that much. It was getting near 5 so we started our way to the academy. Only to get lost! We got there around 5:15. I thought we had enough time to get T-rex and go out to eat. Only he didn’t pick up his phone! And no one knew where he was.

When I got him on the phone I lied again about a note in his truck to get him to come outside, there the kids were all sitting on his truck and yelled “Surprise!” they loved it. Turns out he had already eaten; they let the guys eat early today because at 6 they were getting tased. I was very sad at this. He had not even showered yet, and because I didn’t let him know that we were going to be there he didn’t get permission for us to go to his room.

He set us up in the commons room, full of cops, so he could shower and then we would get together with his parents for diner. This was fine with me I could use a minute to sit down, and the kids could use a minute out of the car. And all of this would have been great. But Dino! Dino is the only kid I know who could run into a room full of cops, act like a monkey, with sounds and everything, and not care at all. She loved it! She asked everyone if they were a cop. They all smiled and said yes. Lilly sat there and giggled at everyone. Rae acted more like I would have, she asked me to hold her and just sat there.

It is so strange how different they all act. I also think it’s a little strange that they are so comfortable with people who have guns and can send you to jail! I think they all just remind me of my Dad so much I am afraid to get grounded. Something about a cop just yells “Go to your room!” Yep even T-rex at times, like when I am trying to surprise him, I feel so guilty about it.

We had a great trip, the diner was good. The drive home was not bad, only one missed turn but I got back around just fine. I feel bad for T-rex having to make that drive every week. But it was well worth it.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Well Dad. . .

Maybe you are right!

The other day my window would not go up and it was about to rain. Panic set in as T-rex was gone, the kids wanted to get food, and the clouds were getting darker by the second. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I called my dad, who is master of everything! But, like normal he was working and did not pick up his phone. So, I called the cop that was on duty and had him come over to fix it.

Lion was working, so he ran right over. He spent a few minutes getting the window to go back up and then another few minutes talking to me about things that were going on around town.

Now all of this seemed normal to me. Nothing seemed out of place until my dad called back. I told him that I got it fixed because Officer Lion came by. Just like normal conversation. Then my Dad started to laugh so hard I started to cry!

Dad: “You called the cops to fix your window! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!”

Me: “hehehe! Well it’s not like I called 911 or anything!”

Dad: “Oh of course not! You have the cop’s cell phone number don’t you!”

Me: “Well yeah”

Dad: “You know Yellow, that’s not normal! Most people don’t call the cops to fix their window, maybe a mechanic if they know one, or a friend who is good with cars, but not a cop!”

Me: “Oh”

We spent a good 10 minutes laughing about this. I guess maybe he is right, it’s not normal to call the cops for car issues. But Lion got it working! LOL

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Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Yep Ugh!  Not much to post about today, only because I have not had a moment to write things out.
Drove the million hours to see T-rex at the academy today.  Nice surprise for him. Even if we were only able to see each other for a few hours. It was very nice, and the kids had a great time!  Even Dino.  I think Dino is the only child in the world who can walk into a room full of cops and start to run around action like a monkey .. no really a monkey with sounds and everything!

Well, more on our great trip to see T-rex later. For now I am off to bed, because UGH it has been a long day!  Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Worth more dead than alive

Is it sad that T-rex is worth more money dead then he is alive? Is it sad that I know this? Now this is only true if he were to die on the job. I think if he were to be so rude as to pass away when off work I would dress him in his uniform, place him in his car, and call him into work before letting anyone know he has passed away.

I know morbid right! Yet we had to have that talk today. I sit here alone at home, with the stress that something might happen to him. I had no clue what would happen if he were to die. I have never dealt with a close loved one dying. Never.

I almost felt bad for telling him he better die at work. He said it’s okay because Mighty Mouse has been told the same thing! I really wonder if that is some sick thing police wives do to deal with the constant stress? I fear we are picking up our husbands unusual humor.

I really hate talking about death. I feel for anyone who has lost a loved one. I cannot fully understand that pain. I think that is why I never knew what would happen if T-rex passed away. I think I liked not knowing. I liked when we never talked about it. But when he is off learning this stuff in class he wants to talk to me about it. Would it be so rude for me to tell him I don’t care? Ugh! I will just tell him nothing bad better happen. But then again he never listens to me anyway.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I think it is stupid too!

My children, Lilly, Dino, and Rae, have been doing an okay job at dealing with T-rex’s many absences as of late. They talk to him on the phone, write him cards for when he will be home, and spend as much of their together time playing around with him. Saying goodbye is still hard. But for the most part everyone is doing well. Dino and T-rex are like best friends, and she really looks up to him. So she has had the hardest time. Lilly has never cared one way or another about most anything. She is 6 now and very smart. She notices things others would miss. Well today she said something deeply profound. She said “I think it’s stupid when daddy has to go.” I could not agree more! What a great way to put it. It is just stupid. And although we don’t use that word in this house I could not help but to smile and agree.

Lately our time together has been bitter sweet with the gloomy tick of the clock counting down the minutes until T-rex has to go again. The in and out has been extra hard on us. Sometimes I think it would be better if he would just stay gone the whole time he is at training rather than come home for a day and half. But as much as it stinks to say goodbye every week it sure is nice to see him.

When I asked Dino and Rae what they thought Dino said she missed him, and Rae said that Dino misses him. Lilly just stood by the fact that it was stupid. Next time we go to jail I am going to have Lilly point that out to Mighty Mouse.

Okay is it odd that I just said “Next time we go to jail”? Uh, such is the life of a cop’s wife.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I never wanted to marry a cop!

Never! Not in a million years! Sure they are cute to look at. And, yeah, maybe on some level the cuffs seem like fun (They are not if you really wanted to know). But I never did I want to marry a cop!

I never thought T-rex would become a police officer. I mean this is the party guy of his class! This is the guy who in high school told the teacher he would bring vodka and orange juice to class. (He never did but still!) How was I to know he would turn into Mr. Law?

Well he did. Now I have to deal with all the cop stuff I don’t like.

Such as, I can’t threaten the children as freely as I would like. Although I have never really taped them to the chair to get them to eat dinner it would be nice to at least think about it. . maybe buy tape? I think I get my sick humor from my mother, who would line my sisters, the kids she was babysitting, and me up on the floor with catsup all over. She would make us lay dead until the babysitting kids’ mom came. Yeah it was great fun!

T-rex smells now. It is not a good work out smell. It’s a sewage, vest, gun, pot smell. I don’t care for it. How can something look so cute and smell so bad? I think Rae gets it from her dad now too. That kid is so cute, and stinks so bad sometimes. Just shocking!

He sleeps funny hours. Bats are more normal than him! I have really thought about getting my own room. Fact is, I sleep in the guest room a lot. I really like the bed in the guest room, and he is not in our room anyway. When he does get in at butt thirty whenever, I don’t want to get woken up so guest room it is. This is not what I had in mind when I got married.

He thinks most people are criminals. I start to see a lot more criminals. When we go to the store and someone says ‘hi’ I assume they are a “client” and take the kids to the car. I am sure to his real friends I seem like a jerk. I don’t think he has real friends anymore who are not cops. I wonder if that is normal.

This just is not what I thought things would be like. But it is great! I don’t think I would trade this life for any other. Getting to see someone do something they love so much is worth it. It’s not that I ever disliked cops. It is just a harder life. Sometimes I think it would be so cool if T-rex worked at a bank, or an office, or something! But then he would hate it, and really there is no fun for a banker like there is for a cop!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

T-rex is a cop right? Can he. . .

Okay, so I get it people are going to talk to people who they know are in the profession they need help with. I have a plumber friend, and I call him for help with plumbing. He can tell me how to take a pipe off over the phone, or when things are really bad he can install a new flusher thing. I also have an electrician in the family, we talk about what I would someday have him do to the house, and he has put new light switches in for me and stuff like that.

All this they can do when they are not working. I pay for all the parts, and their time is free, or a beer and pizza. Mostly I just call and get some advice on how to fix it myself. I take what they say and do it. When told I need to call a plumber to come over, I do that. I don’t complain. If the job takes too much time, or needs to be done when “on the job” I get that.

What I don’t get is people calling T-rex for some of the stupid stuff he has been called about. Or even worse people calling me! Like I know how cop stuff works.

I have to remind people that T-rex cannot legally “be a cop” off hours.(which is really hard because he is also “on call” 24/7) Now true there are some things he can do off hours just because he is a cop, like carry his gun all over the place, stop violent crimes, and what not. But he cannot give your neighbor a parking ticket because they are too far from the curb. He cannot come write your theft report, and he cannot get you out of a ticket.

Calling me to have T-rex get you out a ticket will likely result in me forgetting who you are. You don’t pay out of pocket every time you call the cops, so if there are issues just call the cops who are working! If they don’t get to you right away then they are busy and your problem is not a big deal. Also don’t call me asking for legal advice, I am not a lawyer. As far as I care the cops did the right thing, and you’re dumb for breaking the law.

To make it easy I am going to make a nice list I can pass out to people. Things you can call and ask T-rex or myself about, and things you should call the cops about!

Things you can call about:

1. What the new Conceal Carry law say.

2. How old you child needs to be for a booster seat.

3. Where to go to, pay a ticket, register a car, or send money to an inmate (now truth be told if you are helping an inmate there is a chance, depending on what the inmate is in for, that we will not be talking much after this call)

4. Officer X was working my case, do you know if he is working today. (notice no phone numbers)

5. Can I do X legally? Be prepaid for the answer to be “I don’t know”

When you should not call:

1. You son’s DUI

2. To complain about the police

3. To get out of a ticket

4. To have T-rex do “cop stuff” off duty, legally he can’t do most of it

5. To report a crime

6. To have T-rex send cops to your place

7. To ask for another officers number

8. When you are doing something illegal.

IF you call T-rex at home for most of the reasons listed above you will be told to ... CALL THE COPS! What an idea.

It’s not like T-rex, or I am able to magically make your issues go away. He will talk to you about the job, what he can anyway. He will tell you what to do when you have a ticket, and none of that will include ways to get out of it. But, he will tell you how to pay it quickly so you don’t get more fines. He is such a good man to help like that.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Hope . .well maybe?

T-rex called to tell me he thinks he wants to work homicide. I couldn’t be happier! I really wonder if that’s normal, a wife getting happy because her husband is going to work with dead bodies and killers. Oh well it made me happy!

First, it means we will likely move to a bigger city. Small towns in the middle of nowhere don’t have that many homicides. I have wanted out of this town for ever, I really want to live in a bigger city, but T-rex is more of a small town guy.

Second, it means he will be “off the road” not a lot of traffic stops, and cop chases when working homicide.

And last, and always a good thing, to me it just seems safer. Maybe that is just me, and I should look up the numbers. But there is a big risk when making traffic stop, and domestic calls, and stuff. But in homicide he knows he is looking for a killer, and it just seems safer.

Well, none of this is going to happen for like at least 5 years. I still didn’t let that stop me. I started to look for houses on line already, called my mom and talked to her about it, looked up jobs in the towns I want to move to and thought about packing. Maybe I should slow this down a little? I mean he has to get all the way out of training first!

A day later he tells me that he might just want to stick with small town stuff. I started to get very sad. I had dreams of moving! He does not seem sad about it at all. Some instructor told him that in small towns he will get a chance to do it all, stick in a small town for 5 years or so the instructor said, and a cop will see it all, homicide, child abuse, rape, car accidents, high risk warrants, and a lot of cow chases. Well that almost sounds more exciting then just doing one thing over and over again, and even in the bigger cities I would like to move to, there are not that many homicides a year.

My hope only lasted a day. I give up. We are stuck here forever, and he loves it! Just enough action to keep the guys busy most of the time, and yet not so much that they are late for diner all the time. I guess I can live with this.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The real road hazards

I do enjoy the fact that T-rex gets weekends home right now. I almost feel like a “normal” family. We get to take the girls swimming, or out to the zoo.

Last weekend we went out to the zoo. It’s about a 35 minute drive to get there, all on old highway. I don’t mind the drive that much, but the truth is I hate driving by open fields. When I was 15 I was in a very bad car accident on a dirt road. We ended up flipping the car into some farmer’s field. I guess driving on dirt roads and open fields still brings back some stress for me.

T-rex knows this fact. I have spent many hours yelling at him to slow down! I think he has some issue with listening to his wife in the car. I think I may have cured that. I am learning cop lingo, and it is paying off!

Like normal he took a curve going too fast so I started to yell at him. And like normal he took the next curve faster and this time moved over onto the shoulder. As the car started to go over the warning bumps I started to yell louder and hit him with my shoe. (We will get to how ‘smart’ that was in a moment).

T-rex: “I wasn’t going any faster than the posted speed limit!”

Me: “you went on the shoulder!”

T-rex : “Yeah and it was fun!”

Me: “You were going too fast for conditions! You could get a ticket.”

T-rex : “What conditions?! The road is fine, I am driving fine, you worry to much”

Me: “You were going too fast for ME!”

T-rex: “haha. . . I keep saying we need to get that in the book”

Me: “What in the book?”

T-rex: “Road hazards include snow, ice, rain, and WIVES!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

T-rex: “Yep a wife is the worst road hazard there is. Hitting me with a shoe when I am driving and stuff.”

Me: “Well, you were going to the shoulder”

T-rex: “because you were freaking out! And it was fun”

Me: “Well it’s not safe, and if I were driving. . . .”

T-rex: “That’s an even worse road hazard! Driving wife. ..”

Me: “Still if a wife if a road condition that makes driving a hazard you needed to slow down!”

T-rex: “But it was fun! And I am a good driver, you worry too much”

This went on like this for a few minutes. Then I realized he said I was a bad driver. I could not really argue with him over that. After all, I don’t drive a like a cop. But it is fine with me if they add “wife” to the list of road hazards. Anything to get T-rex to stop driving like a cop when we are in the minivan!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sunday, August 15, 2010

What do you stand for?

I told my husband today that it would be better he die. . . .

Yeah when I write it out like this I sound evil don’t I?

It wasn’t like that. I am sure. . . .

We were talking about a class he had. The class was over what to do as a cop if you become a hostage. The teacher I guess is a really cool guy and one who I would like to meet sometime. He seems to think the same way I do.

The “policy” is to lay low, get out if you can, and all that good stuff. It is pretty much what they tell bankers anymore. DON’T FIGHT BACK.

Well the teacher of the class told the students to “read what the hand out says, but listen to me, I don’t agree with the hand out. . . .” He then told them all the things I would tell anyone, FIGHT BACK!

I guess this has something to do with the kind of cereal my parents got me as a child. But I truly think anything worth having is worth fighting for, and that means your life too. I think people who take life lying down are weak. I think as long as I can fight my way out without hurting anyone I will.

As a kid this “fighting” was often times verbal for me. I did get into a few fist fights in first grade and what not. I remember me and another kid would fight with the older kids when they were picking on the younger kids. He and I thought we were heroes or something.

I also would fight with authority that I thought was wrong. Sometimes I was wrong. Other times, like in High School Business class I was very right. The point is that no matter what it was I would take a stand for what I believed in and I would do what I could to get what I thought was right to be done.

Now as an adult I have learned that not everything is worth fighting for. My chocolate cookies are worth the fight! So hands of Rae! But a little disagreement does not bring war to my world anymore. I am sure my parents are pleased with this maturity.

But life, life is always worth fighting for. Justice, what is right, what is truly right, is always worth the fight. So when I was talking to T-rex I told him I have always felt it was better to die for something worth fighting for than to live a life letting evil prevail. I think if you don’t at least attempt to defeat the ‘evil’ (whatever it may be) then you’re just as bad as the evil.

T-rex might look at things differently, he said he would rather his kids know that he went out fighting then lived weak. I agree. But I sure hope he is able to win whatever fight he comes to.

“Nothing is ever won without a fight.

No fight is ever without a loss."
~Millia Dark

Saturday, August 14, 2010

A police wife’s shower

I hate to shower, bathe, or take a long . . . . restroom break. After all when are you more vulnerable then when you have your pants at your feet? It does not help that T-rex loves horror movies. In horror movies the cute girl always goes first! (I am doomed!) And most of the time it is because she can’t hear or see what is coming to get her, because she is doing something dumb, like taking a show at midnight!
Murder HappenedImage by Capt. Tim via Flickr

I also don’t like showers, baths, or restroom breaks because I have three kids. Put a 2 year old, a 5 year old, and a 6 year old in a room alone and what do you think happens? I will tell you, a mess happens.

My mornings are crazy. I am not a morning person. By the time I am up, kids are feed, and things are never calm enough to take a shower if the kids are up!

So showers got moved to after the kids were in bed. This was also not a good idea. By the time I am ready for bed, or a shower its dark out. Dark is the universal signal for dumb stuff to happen and freak me out. It never fails, I get all ready and there is a sound. Put pants and shirt back on to find a kid out of bed. Go back into restroom; get ready again, only to hear another sound. This will go on about 3 or 4 times, most of the sounds are just the house or my head. Eventually the sounds will stop until I turn the water on. This causes a lot of on and off of the water. By the time I am done with the shower I more stressed then when I got in. It has gotten so bad I have thought of showering in a swim suit. I wonder if we can waterproof a Glock?

Oh well, I can’t go around stinking. So, I am off to take my 35.6 second “shower.” I should be done in about 20 minutes.

Friday, August 13, 2010

That's not real!

Well, it may not be real but it is entertaining!

 T-rex has an odd obsession with T.V shows. Most notably cop shows and even movies. It has gotten so bad I turned our cable off.

Every few minutes into my show he has to remark how “that’s not real.” I don’t think he gets that I don’t care that it’s not real. I am sure most people know that it’s not real. He will point out very odd things, like a character that puts the radio on the wrong side of her uniform, or a detective who gets a clue from a sandwich. It’s called entertainment. I wonder if Doctors do that with shows about Doctors too. “That symptom does not apply to this diagnosis.” Or if Doctors try to find out what is wrong with a patient before Dr. House gets it.

No one ever says that the Simpsons are wrong because the people are yellow in that show. I mean we get that it’s just for fun. But with Cop shows there seems to be some issues. He has to make a point that they are wrong. I think I am going to make a show for moms and see how many mothers say “That’s not how you make a PB&J!”

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Lets go swimming

Lifeguard jumping into action in Ocean City, M...Image via Wikipedia
I dislike the big city pools. I never was one to like them, even as a kid. But now that I have kids I find that I must drag them down at least once during the summer, they are young so once is still good. I am going to be sad the year they are at that age where they want to go all the time, yet I still have to be there. I think we might move that summer, to some place with no pool.

But we went today. And I was having an okay time. Alright, it was a good time. Rae and I were near the edge where it has what’s called a zero entry, so it’s all safe and stuff. She loves it, I didn’t have to stress about her. Dino wanted to do the slides so T-rex would take her over there and I would watch Rae act like a fish and Lilly would try to see as far as she could go out before getting afraid. Great times.

Everyone was having fun and happy, well, almost everyone. One dad must have had too much coffee, or something. His son was about 8 or so, and wanted to do the slides. Dad said sure, I will be right over here. Dad then starts to look at hot girls in little clothes. Great Dad! The son goes down the slide and hits the water going under for just a minute.The boy then starts to yell “HELP”.  He was clearly afraid.

Now it’s clear that this boy is fine, he is above the water, and if my 5 year old can go down the slide a million times with no issue, (she can’t swim but can walk to the wall) then this boy can. But he is a little freaked out. Panic was in his eyes. The whole time Dad is too far away to really help and the lifeguard is just sitting there, I mean this guy didn’t even move, lean in to talk to the boy, or nothing the lifeguard just sat there.

Well that got dads attention. Dad stomps over there and starts to yell at the lifeguard “Hey you A** F***! Don’t you see that kid yelling for help?!”

Now at this point part of me is like way to go dad! The parent in me was very ticked off that the lifeguard didn’t at least wiggle a butt cheek to check on this kid. Then the Cop’s wife in me kicks in and I start to wonder what Dad can be charged with. Another part of me is too busy laughing at that combination of cursing to really care.

If it were not for T-rex I could have just been happy the dad said something. But now I see him as a criminal. It’s not fair! Why can’t I just enjoy a good show anymore?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Thank you!

This award was given to me by Mrs Fuzz at A Police Wife and W at Ello Minnow Pea

I guess the rules are I am to post10 new things about  myself, and then pass it on.  Well Thank you gals for thinking of me!  Here are 10 new things about myself.

1. I like the color green. I think it is pretty. It is also a color I can see easily. I cannot see orange and yellow really well.

2. I am anti-politically correct. But I do respect people. For instance my VCR is retarded not a person. I tend to upset people with my avoidance of P.C. things. I don’t tend to care. When people were trying to be P.C. and call my daughter slow I secretly wanted to punch them in the face. She was/is just who she was/is and there is nothing wrong with that. No labels are needed.

3. I am an open book. I have nothing to hide, other than who I am online ;) I spent years of my life literally hiding, and I don’t ever want to go back to that. I tend to tell friends and family what I think, (as nice as I can) with little regard to if I should or not. I have a hard time keeping things in anymore. This goes for my children too, who see more and hear more than they should at times. But I don’t think keeping things from them is really the best way to protect them.

4. I love diet coke. No I NEED diet coke. We say soda, even though no one in my family does.

5. I knew I was going to marry T-rex long before we started to date.

6. My Dad was and is the best dad in the world. I still live in that place where he is superman. I don’t know if I will ever fully get out of that place. I do see his faults, and the things I want to change, but no matter of that he was still the best dad I could have growing up. I secretly still want his approval and praise in everything.

7. My family, outside of my parents and sisters, consist of nuts and evil. I avoid them.

8. I call my mom every day. She really is a best friend in so many ways. Yet still a mom. I don’t know how she is able to find the balance but I love it. Our fights are bad, but they are so few. I guess best friends are bound to fight some. But a mom and daughter will always work things out.

9. I think my sisters are super pretty, and I hate that I will never look as good as they do. One is so tall with long blond hair (I secretly feel bad about making fun of her as a kid, it was wrong of me, and now she is beautiful.) My other sister is always in style, has great hair, and is shaped just better than I am. She is still just as short as me, which almost makes me happy.

10. I never wanted to marry a cop. Never! I saw what it was like for my dad and for me as a kid. I will support T-rex no matter what in his job as an officer. I will learn the ways of a “police wife” give up some of my dreams, and put others on hold. Only because I see this is what he was made to do. I think in some ways I was made to be a cop’s wife. I know I was made to be his wife.

And now to pass it on to some blogs :)
Adventures in mommy land
Being Gently Led
I'm living proof that God has a sense of humor
Mellon Blogs
And although he likley could care less I still like his blog so Spark Check

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The joys of house work.


For some reason the house is only clean when T-rex is gone. House work gets done so much faster when he is working. I am not sure why this is, but I do have a theory.

I think the house stays clean when he is gone because he is not here to make a mess!!

T-rex thinks that when he is gone I am so bored that I just clean nonstop for something to do.

I think when he is home he gets in my way and distracts me with silly requests to watch random videos.

He thinks I get lazy when he is home.

I am not really sure why the house is only clean when T-rex is at work. I do however know some days it is worth him working overtime so I can see the floor.

Image by Becky F via Flickr

Monday, August 9, 2010

I am sure they get it from Daddy.

School supply shopping brings back good memories from my childhood. Or at least it did until last year. When I was a kid my mom would save up all summer to take us shopping, we would go out about a week before school started and just get everything. We would get new cloths, lots of new cloths, and pens, paper, markers, and glue. It was an all girl thing, and we loved it!

Last year was Lilly’s first year of school. For kindergarten they had a very long list of stuff to get. Mostly there were large quantities of glue on the list. This would not be an issue, if it were not for Dino and Lilly being as they are. They are only 14 months apart, which means they are best friends and worst enemies at the same time.

So, it started with a little fight, and ended with a mess. Dino talks a lot, and this bugs Lilly. Lilly likes things peaceful, Dino likes the action! The differences there start many fights in our house. I truly wish I could have been in the room when this was going on. But, no, I had to shower. So I cannot tell you the thinking that leads to this. I can’t imagine what went down in Lilly’s room to end like it did. I just know that when I came out of the shower I quickly turned around to go back in.

Lilly had taken it upon herself to GLUE Dino to the wall. There was my middle child with glue all over hair, back, legs, and arms. She was pushed against the wall, which was also covered in school glue. Lilly was holding her down trying to get her to stick. I am sure a heat lamp and fan were coming next to get the glue to dry and Dino to stick forever.

Once I was able to stop laughing. I asked Lilly why she glued her sister to the wall. She replied “Dino was talking too much and bugging me, we don’t have a jail. “

Ah, but why GLUE? I don’t think I will ever fully understand.

Now it is time to go school shopping again, this year both of them are in school and I need a total of 10 different glue things. The stress is kicking in already. I feel for the teachers this year, and the little boy who is crushing on Lilly!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

My Weekend!


So, this weekend was my little sister’s wedding. It was a great wedding. She looked just wow! The girls were flower girls, and they looked so cute. T-rex got to kidnap her at the reception, and they had a great time going to McDonalds out of all places, to get a drink and talk. I think for T-rex he needed to do that because that was his little sister. Part of him just wanted to check in on his little sister. Those two are good friends, which might be odd but T-rex and I got married when she was still in high school and he always treated her like his little sister. And he thought it would be fun to stress the groom out a little! That’s my husband!

The wedding was great; everyone had a really good time. But it was late. We had to drive two hours to get back home. Add in kids and we really had to drive like 3 hours and we didn’t get out on the road until about 11:30 our time (Yeah add in a time change too). What happened on the way home was just meant to be, karma, or a God thing. Just how in the word everything fell into place is beyond me.

This is a small town, my home town, so I tend to let my guard down. We opted to stop and get gas before getting a bite to eat because our gas gauge has been acting up, and I wanted to make sure we would have enough money, and gas for the rest of our long trip home. After getting gas we discussed where to go to get a quick cheap bite to eat. We almost stopped at McDonalds just because we know the dollar menu keeps the kids happy. I argued my way into Wendy’s which we thought was closed. It was open and T-rex started to order his food.

Then this guy comes up and says “I am just closing your gas lid boss.”

First any guy who says “boss” kind of freaks me out. Maybe I heard him wrong, but I really don’t think I did. It stuck with me that he said “boss.” Well T-rex being how he is says thank you and then checks this guy out as he leaves.

All of a sudden T-rex yells “That son of a bitch!” Then he goes to unbuckle himself, which just so happens to be the side where T-rex usually keeps his gun. It’s dark and late, and I see T-rex yell and go for his gun. As T-rex is getting out of the car this guy turns around and starts to walk to T-rex yelling something like “Well Mother Fucker!”

Panic started to set in, and I had no clue what was going on. What did this guy do? Was T-rex going to shoot him? Do I pull over into the driver side and drive away? Do I hide the kids? How am I going to hide the kids? I don’t think I have ever been more afraid in my life.

Then this guy gives T-rex a hug. They sit there with dumb smiles on their faces, and a round of “Hey man! Wow! What are you doing here?” goes about.

Turns out this guy was an old friend of T-rex’s back in high school. They hadn’t seen each other in at least 7 years. I remember the guy a little from high school. He was much older, and I always thought he was kind of full of himself. But T-rex and he seem to be good friends.

And all that is nice, I would love to be happy for T-rex, but I am still trying to get my heart to stop! Really do all guys greet each other like that? And what with the swears? It really sounded like T-rex was mad that the guy did something to the car! I don’t know what I thought this guy did . . . but he must have been a bad guy. Well, that is how it sounded when T-rex went off like he did.

I think the swears must be a cop/military/guy thing. Whenever T-rex’s brother Joe calls, they answer the phone with a stream of swears. I fear for the kids when Joe calls!

Well I am happy that T-rex got to see an old friend. I think it is great, and everything had to fall into place just right for that to happen. I am happy it did, I am happy we left the gas lid off, I am happy he is the type of guy to do that for a person, and I am happy that T-rex didn’t have his gun out. Turns out T-rex left it at home, he is on restriction right now with his classes and they don’t want him to carry it. Which in some ways I think could have been really bad! No matter how happy I am that it was a great end to a great weekend, I still want to punch T-rex in the face!

We now have a new rule, he has to stop yelling “That son of a bitch” unless it is really a bad guy, and then he should DRIVE AWAY! He said that he would drive away if we were in danger, and not go pick a fight. Well, that is good to know, I just wish he would have told me that BEFORE I nearly died of fear! Oh and I learned to pay more attention, a seatbelt is not the same as a gun!

Friday, August 6, 2010

I learned something new today

T-rex really loves to stress people out. I mean that is the only clear explanation for doing what he did.

Like things are not hard enough right now, he has to add to the stress!

He calls me today to share something new he has learned at the academy.

T-rex: “Hey babe, I learned something new today.”

Me: “Cool, what did you learn?”

T-rex: “Did you know that most cops who are shot are shot by their own gun?”

Me: Click

My mom says I have a habit of hanging up on people when I am mad at them. Well now that I have a clear head I can say she might be right about that. I guess I will work on that.

What was he thinking? Really! He needed to tell me that. I have had a very good system going here! I ignore any real danger he might be in, and tell the psychologist in me to shut up. She listens well enough and I go on blind to any danger that our cops are in. I am sure this is not a very healthy way of coping with things, but I think it’s working well enough for now.

T-rex being as he is says I am sheep. (Check out the books by LT. Col. Dave Grossman to find out what that means) He thinks that I need to be less like a sheep and more like a sheep dog. I try to tell him dogs smell funny. He does not seem to care. To T-rex it is better to know all the evils of the world and face them. To me if I did that every day I would die of worry. I know that there are risks with his job. I get that every day is a risk for him and all our officers. But I cannot stop living my life out of the fear he might. So to him I say “baa baa.”

The real pain is how he always has to share this mortality news at the worst time. Like after a night of bad dreams, or reading about an officer who gave up his life trying to save another. I guess his timing will always be bad. But I love him so what am I to do? I think I will just call him back and tell him he better not got shot with his own gun, or I will be really mad.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

HOW TO: Iron a uniform

1. Enjoy taking uniform off husband. Actually, just think you will enjoy taking uniform off husband. The stink and sweat make the uniform unpleasant to touch, when it is off there is an even nastier vest and undershirt on.

2. Tell husband to put uniform in the hamper.

3. Husband gets uniform in hamper but puts vest and undershirt on bed.

4. Yell at husband for putting vest and undershirt on bed! (see how to wash a Kevlar vest and stinky undershirt)

5. Notice husband did not take off all the “brass” so spend about 10 minutes messing with that. Poke your little finger, and yell at husband for forgetting to take the “metal poky things” off.

6. Wash uniform according to directions; add a little more detergent because it was so close to stink vest and undershirt.

7. Dry uniform according to directions.

8. Spend 20 minutes looking for iron that you never use anymore.

9. Question the intelligence at the office. “Everything is 'wash and wear' any more, these guys are in the stone age!”

10. Spend 15 minutes getting all the wrinkles out.

11. Admire your work, and go brag to husband about it.

12. When husband remarks that it needs the little lines ironed down the legs throw uniform at his face.

13. Husband, now a cop, and master of verbal judo, makes you feel guilty and determined to get it right. The usage of “Mark’s wife. . . . .” is enough to make you want to stab him, but you are better than Mark’s wife so off you go to try again!

14. Get back to laundry room where the iron was still left on. I guess it was a cosmic sign or something.

15. Burn finger on hot iron.

16. Give up and take uniform to the cleaners so they can “press” it. Spend a few minutes daydreaming about what “pressing” a uniform means. I, personally, am sure they have a thing the size of a bed that smashes the uniform into shape. I don’t want one, so I should take the uniform to a place where they already have one.

17. Sneak out back door so husband does not see you are not like “Mark’s wife”

18. When out stop and get a nice cup of coffee, you know the kind that cost over a day’s salary

19. Show Husband clean and pressed uniform. Take all the credit, and ask if he thinks you are better than “Mark’s wife" now! When he says "yes babe, Mark’s wife takes his down to the cleaner” and starts to laugh avoid dumping coffee on him, but it is okay to throw uniform at his face again.

20. Write a random letter to the office ever day saying how the cops look stupid in their dressy uniforms, even though secretly you think nothing is hotter than a cop in uniform. Recommend all the cops go to “wash and wear” uniforms, also called soft uniforms. A polo shirt would be just fine.

21. Mail said letters from the store where you are going to stock up on massive amounts of starch. Who cares if your husband can’t move? The lines down the legs are never coming out!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

You let our kids watch that?!

Why, yes I do!

T-rex came home for the weekend and noticed the kids were watching some movie made in the 80s about a unicorn, it’s called “The Last Unicorn” if you really want to look it up. Anyway it has a wizard (which I am not too giddy about) some unicorns and other things, the wizard turns the unicorn into a naked girl (You don’t see anything) and then some other stuff happens, I don’t think I have ever actually seen the whole thing in order. We got it from my best friend, she loved it as a kid, and that was good enough for me. Okay I did check to make sure it wasn’t rated R first! And that it wasn’t going to be anything too bad. It’s not. At least I don’t think it is bad for a few 5 year old girls.

But, T-rex nearly flipped out! I guess there is a part where a tree turns into an old woman, and the wizard boy gets stuck in her, um, chest. The “woman” is still a tree. So the, um, chest is still wood. Oh gosh that might be bad!

Anyway it’s a dumb cartoon, and the kids like it. It reminded me of the old cartoons I would watch with my dad. Now I can already see him turning red. Sorry Dad!!! We would watch bugs bunny and stuff all the time. I would sit there and laugh at the right times, my dad on the other hand would laugh at the wrong times. I didn’t really understand this as a kid. When I got older and watched some of the cartoons we would watch together I got it. They add a lot of grownup humor to those things! I think they did it just so the grownups could stomach them. Now the cartoons are so boring! It is all little puffy pink things playing nice and talking about “going green” or “being nice.” So bad for kids I think. Whatever happened to the good old days? The days when the roadrunner got away, speedy shot something, and the cat got the tar beaten out of him for eating the bird.

People must of gotten all worried about a horse turning into a girl, no duh she didn’t have clothes on she was a horse two seconds ago! The kids don’t even notice it, it’s not wrong in their world. Like I said you didn’t see anything, the cartoon people didn’t make a big deal out of it. It was just something added for the poor grownups that are forced to watch the same thing a million times. Our dirty minds must get a kick out of it.

Now in T-rex’s defense he will not read any Little Red Riding Hood book that does not have the wolf being hacked to death by the woodsman. For that he earns a point in my parent handbook. Mostly cause that’s how I grew up with the story. OHH and our preschool taught the kids the song “the wheels on the bus.” You know the part where the mom tells the baby to shh shh shh. . . well now it’s different. It goes “the daddy on the bus says ‘I love you’, ‘I love you’. NOW COME ON! Maybe I am just not with it, but I don’t think everything needs to be “babied” down.

What got me the most about T-rex not really liking the movie is the fact that because of him our kids have seen stuff they should not have. I hate to say my children have seen more than their fair share of criminals in action including, a heat camera video of a criminal killing himself. I am happy they are still too young to really understand, and it’s not like T-rex says “Hey kids come watch what dumb people do!” (Yet anyway) They have just climbed on him when he is doing homework or something. So whatever, I am sure that stuff like that is going to happen in a house where a cop lives. For the most part they are protected from that stuff. But part of me is happy they are getting some of it, after all everything else in their world is so fluffy and pink.

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Really Lilly? Thanks

T-rex calls, and calls, and calls. From the first time we went out until I die that boy will call me every day. And it’s nice; don’t get me wrong, I love talking to him. He has a sexy phone voice. Right now with him being gone so much it is really nice to get to talk to him. It’s all we have anymore.

However, he has the timing of a. . . .a thing with really bad timing! When we were dating he would call during dinner, almost every night. I think he is rubbing off on me, now I call my mom when she is doing her hair, every time. Middle of the afternoon she is at the salon getting her hair done! I think she spends way too much time on her hair.

Anyway, so I am trying to cook, clean, get the kids in bed, whatever it is and he calls. But he does not call just once nope, I cut him off the first time so he calls back in 30 minutes thinking I am done; only now I am not done. So this cycle goes on for about 3 hours.

The other night was one such night. Maybe I was moody; I am a girl it happens! Maybe I was stressed, it was bedtime. Maybe, just maybe, he was bugging me! As I was putting Lilly to bed the phone rang. I knew it was T-rex, and I just lost it. I threw the stuffed animal I was holding against the wall and stormed out to get the phone. It was T-rex calling to tell me he missed me and he loved me. I started to feel bad for getting so annoyed with him. We said goodbye and I sulked back to Lilly’s room.

I told her I was sorry for throwing the stuffed animal, and that it was really bad of me to do that. We don’t throw things when we are mad. I also told her that her dad made me frustrated when he calls so much at bed time. And then Lilly let me have it.

“But mom! He misses you! Daddy loves you so much. And it is okay you threw the stuffed animal, we all get frustrated, but please pick it up. Thank you for saying sorry. Just, mom, I miss Daddy too.”

My 6 year old has some psychology skills going on. She was so cute being so grown up. More than anything she was right. I think I get mad because I spend almost all day sitting near the phone waiting for T-rex to call. His timing has not changed, the minute I do something he calls. I guess I get mad because I miss him too.

So, Lilly made me feel like dirt, and we called T-rex back. He said he understands. I am happy him and the 6 year old get it, because I sure don’t!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Being interrogated

I will never ever commit a crime as long as I live. For no other reason than I don’t ever want to be interrogated. How stressful that must be for people.

T-rex is learning about interrogation right now. So like any good student he had to try it out, and like any good wife, I gave myself up for the name of education! He thought it would be simple for him to try out some of his skills, and see the “suspect’s” reactions.

So I was told to take something off the top of the table and go sit outside. He would then find out what I took and try to get me to say why I took it and where I put it. I took a voice recorder and put it under the couch. I thought I was being smart!

He came back out in like 2 seconds and started the interview part. I could not stop giggling.

T-rex: “Mrs. Rex, do you know why you were called down here?”

Me: All giggles. “Um, no”

Then he goes on with personal questions, age, height, weight, married or not and so on. I think I did a good job at messing him up, when he asked if I had kids I replied with “is this relevant to the case at hand” I wasn’t going to give him any information to use against me!

Note to cops doing this to their wives, when she says her weight is 120 you write down 120 and smile and don’t give her that look like “yeah right” If she says 120 then that’s what it is okay!

When he asked what my husband’s name was, I made up something dumb. A note to the wives, before giving your husband a nick name like “pretty pink prince’s pants” make sure he unarmed!

I could not help but giggle the whole time. T-rex said I did that because I was nervous. I guess I was a little. Then he started in on the real interrogation part of things, and the giggles kind of stopped. But my hands started to fidget. T-rex says that is what guilty people do to avoid facing what’s going on. I think that is what anyone does when being drilled a million questions, and accused of doing something bad.

I stopped looking at him when he told me he KNEW I took it. I knew he knew but, it made me more nervous. He started to move in and I tried to pull away. I was ready to crack just to get him to stop. I did, even after all my brave front with the funny nick name and attitude at the start I caved in and told him everything!

It was just a game! Nothing bad was going to happen to me. I knew he already knew what I took, there wasn’t that much stuff on the table, he knew it was me. The whole point was for me to do something and him ask questions. Why did I cave in so easy?

I think he is going to be a good interviewer/interrogator. I just hope he never asks how much my shoes cost. I have a feeling he is going to use his new skills to his advantage around Christmas time.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Ammo in the. . .

Bed! That’s right, ammo in the bed. I am still lucky there is no ammo in the dryer. However, you cannot really say finding ammo in the bed is lucky. There I was ready to fall asleep when I rolled over to get poked in the butt. Part of me wanted to think something fun was going to come out of this, but T-rex is gone. Then I thought the kids left toys on the bed. No, it was not the kids. It was T-rex, which is just as bad as if it were one of the kids.

There on the bed was a .223 round. I am not sure what a .223 round really is, but it goes in a big gun with some letters and a number. If you know what it is please don’t bother explaining it to me, I will just play cartoons in my head. I have already lost 34.5 hours this year watching cartoons when T-rex tries to explain gun stuff to me. I am sure some of it is sticking, as I know this round is a .223.

I was getting ready to call him and yell at him for not putting ammo up, but thought better of it and I decided I would yell at him the next day. Well, it’s a good thing I waited. The next morning I went to get my earrings when five .22 rounds fell out of my jewelry box. They were mine. I felt almost bad for wanting to give T-rex an ear full. But my rounds never poked him in the butt!

I do know what a .22 is. I have an old riffle that my dad gave me. It’s the first and only gun I have ever really shot. The sights are bent, as they have been from the time I got it. T-rex says he wants to fix them. I don’t want him too, I am afraid if he does I will not know how to shoot my gun!

I am a fairly good shot with that gun too. I tilt it slightly to the right, aim with both eyes open, and fire. I can get a good head shot off where T-rex practices for qualifications. He is always trying to teach me how to shoot the “right” way. I guess he thinks he needs to show me how to do it right because near the end of the day my paper is covered in holes. The only ones I even count are the ones I tried to aim with. Two in the chest and one to the head, all the other ones are from me just smelling gun powder. I love that smell. And with .22 I can afford to just play around. With a single shot I don’t have time to aim. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

I don’t want to learn about guns, or how to shoot. I like what I have going here with the old gun my dad gave me. And if I did leave the ammo from my gun on the bed it would not poke anyone in the butt.