Tuesday, January 4, 2011

From my deeply philosophical, partially educated mind

(Is philosophical the right word? Eh)

Females are a pain, emotional, irrational, bossy and that other word that starts with a B. In-fact the ONLY time I ever heard my father say a curse word was the B. word when talking about a “friend” of mine. And although he may say he never said it, I will never forget because he does not say curse words, ever.

Anyway, he wasn’t too far off. As a female I can’t say I am an expert, no one can say they are an expert on females. However there are a few things I have noticed. First and most important is when you get a group of girls together they act like they are back in high school. And yes that is the technical term for it. Clicks are made; people are either in or out. Emotions run high. But what is worse is when there are a lot of girls in a leadership position. Or a manager’s position. One on one the girls are nice, kind and not showing off the “power” they hold. But you get a bunch of leaders in one room and the backstabbing fighting starts.

I have not seen this same kind of action with men, although I am sure they show off to prove who the bigger man is. But girls get moody and sneaky and at times just rude. Men don’t seem to push their power around near as much as females do. Maybe this is because as a female we feel we must always prove ourselves. I don’t really know. But seeing this in many cases has shown me just how different males and females are. I also think there is a reason why more males are cops than females, and I would hate to be in a town where the police force is all female!

But this is not to say that females can’t be good cops, some of the best cops I have known are females, but they work in a mostly male department. I am sure that if even the best female cop had to work with other great female cops chaos would ensue. Maybe this is also why I like to have male friends more than female friends when hanging out in a group. I don’t know. One you get past the fact that a males biggest issues is thinking with the wrong head half the time things go pretty well. A lot less drama anyway.

I have even noticed this among the police wives. Locally anyway. It seems that when we get together there is still that “I am better, my husband is better, and let me be a brat about it” kind of attitude. We brag no stop about how great we are, or our husbands are, we put others down, and it can get clicky and nasty quick. Yet alone, I love all the other wives. They are great strong women. They are really nice and kind and just working their butts off too. But to all the other police wives out there I would love to have you over for tea, just not all at once :)


Ann T. said...

Dear Yellow,
Your discussion of cop wives reminds me of my experiences with Doctor Wives. My husband was a shrink and the conversation of the ladies was Boring and sometimes snippy.

But step back a minute. All of the Doctors have a shared educational background and set of concerns, they are equal in rank and each qualified to converse. The Wives on the other hand, are from more various educational backgrounds. Their experiences are not always conducive to shared conversation unless it is "husbands" "children" "who suffered most during medical school" and so forth.

At these things, you get wives who are from different backgrounds, and the limits to the sociability are at once shallow and frustrating. Any deviation from the shallow seems competitive. Hence, the snippiness.

Now as to the workplace. My husband (I did mention he was a shrink, right?) used to follow studies on group behavior. His contention was that Both Sexes are needed at every work place and venue in order to keep everyone at their best. All-women venues dissolve, but so do all-men venues. Ya gotta have a girl; and ya gotta have a guy. At least one. It keeps people standing up straight instead of lurching around like brutes or dissolving into a case of the snips.

Anyway, that's my reaction. I think a lot of the "wife thing" is due to a lack of real shared interest, anyway.

But Good Luck with Bad Bosses and Icky Parties,
Ann T.

Meadowlark said...

I'll share a thought, then a quick story. As far as the "bragging" behavior among wives, I'm sure you've noticed that for all the young cop wives, if you'd do a word search on their blog, you'd find the words: hero, best, fastest, smartest, everyone wants to ride with him, impressed, awards, etc... You get the gist. It's normal to think your husband is the greatest of great and when a bunch of people get together, everybody sadly wants to "outdo" everybody else. I solve the problem thusly: Husband is just another good cop amongst thousands of good cops. Not a super cop, just a plain old hardworking officer. If enough of us refuse to play the "he's amazing" game, maybe it'll change.

Quick story: It was a long line at the commissary and this older woman was bumping her way through to the front of the line "excuse me. excuse me. I need to go ahead". A lot of the young wives looked unsure, but let her go ahead. Finally a wife of the age that would be probably a Staff NonCommissioned Officer's wife said "No. You need to wait in line like the rest of us." The older lady drew herself up and said "Don't you know who I am? I'm Colonel so-and-so's wife." The SNCOs wife stared back and said "Lady, you sleep with a Marine for a living like the rest of us. Wait your turn."


That said, as a female Marine, I'm outspoken enough to make it in a man's world on a man's terms, but falter a bit with the wives. I work on it every single day.

Yellow said...

I am sure it was unfair of me to just punish all females in this, for I can see a different kind of destruction with an all Male staff. But the point is I HATE going into work to see I am working with 80% or more females. And it is true about the uncommon background all the wives have. No matter how the same we might be.
I think your husband was right on when he said there needs to be at least one of each gender in the work place. My Father would have some great ideas about God, the family unit, and so on. He would say something like "A man always needs a woman to nag his" or something just as deep. :) But because males and females are so different I do think in order to really have a great work place you need to have both.

Meadow~ Your story makes me smile! I hope I have not used the word "hero" for some reason that bothers me. There is a fine line all cops need to walk, and although not all cops are heroes cops are heroes. Ya know. T-rex is a great cop, but he just another in a long line of cops. And although I think he is the best husband ever :) It is only because he is the best for me, and some bragging about who he is just fine, I try not to brag about what he is.

Anyway, I agree a little less of the wives ridding the coat tails of their husbands would help. After all the only reason I am tied to Law Enforcement is because I sleep with one. ;)

Ann T. said...

Dear Yellow,
Oh, no, I don't think unfair! I think you're on to something here. I used to avoid Dr.'s wives like the Plague. But in general, I think I was avoiding the parties where there was no hope of a good conversation.

As to all-female or all-male workplaces, I particularly love having someone on Board who can listen, and someone who can cut to the bottom line. Traditionally, the listener is female, and the bottom-liner is male. I'm just looking for the function. Best of all is if they can do both, male or female.

But so often it is not the case. Both sexes have their irrelevancy aspects--most of the time I prefer the guy irrelevancies, but Not Always.

Lots of minefields out there, eh? Anyway I think it is a darn good post. Got me thinking.
Ann T.

P.S. Meadowlark, I'd like to sleep with a Marine for a job, sure! LOL!! Just kidding--that's no life goal by itself--But the story is GREAT. Wish I'd heard it for those doctor parties!

Anonymous said...

So... I believe that there is this general tendency for wives, girlfriends, finances to idealize their other half. This from experience I have found does not only happen in law enforcement, medical, armed forces, etc. It happes in most cases.

I am the wife of a Collision Repair Technician (which sounds so sophisticated), or in other words, a bodyman. Being around wives of men in the same general field be it autobody, mechanics, even lube techs there is a sense of competition. About what you ask? Who knows!!!

Our men are fixing vehicles not finding a cure for cancer or saving the world from a deadly meteor due to stike in 22 hours 37 minutes and a few seconds. But, still competition.

"Well my husband fixed the mayors car last week and now we're going to his Christmas party." "So and so gave my fiance tickets to the Chiefs game for doing such a good job fixing the quarter panel on his Escalade."

Name dropping, invites, even throwing out that "so and so" drives an Escalade. These are things that annoy the piss out of me. Yes most women think that their man is the best. But as you said it's just becase my man's the best for me! There is a cattiness that is ingrained in females at birth, I believe. Unfortunately the "high school dramatics" follow many women throughout their lives.

I think that I need to approach Bravo! about a new Reality TV show, "The Real Housewives of Law Enforcement" or "The Real Housewives of The Automotive Industry" HAHA... Bravo TV here I come.