Thursday, February 3, 2011

He is a hero and other lies

Lie #1: He is a hero

I have a strong dislike for the word Hero. It is not the word itself, or even what it means, but rather the way people apply it to people who are not Heroes. Now don’t get me wrong I think our officers are Heroes, as in the collective whole of the police force. I think it is a heroic profession. But I have only run into a very small group of people who I would individually call a Hero. And as great of a cop as T-rex is, I just can’t see myself calling him a hero. He isn’t any different or any better than the other officers he works with, all just doing his or her job. All a part of the hero system that is law enforcement.

Lie #2: You will get a divorce if you are married to a cop.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think a judge would understand if I hurt T-rex in his sleep. A judge might even give me a medal for putting up with T-rex this long! But being married to a cop is not a divorce guarantee. True some studies say that officers are more likely to divorce. True there is more stress being married to a cop. (Or being a cop!) But that does not mean divorce is in the future. It takes work and understanding but a happy relationship is just as plausible as if the marriage was between a teacher and a banker.

Lie #3: He could get shoot.

Well this is not so much a lie as a “who cares?” Yes he can get shoot, he is looking for bad people, and bad people do bad things. But I could get hurt working at the fast food place, walking down a dark street, or going to the mall. Bad things happen, but unlike you he has a vest on, and a gun. Sounds to me that he is ahead of the game.

Lie #4: You must worry all the time.

Yes, and No. There are times where I worry, and it is a worry few others outside of Law Enforcement would understand. When he is working late, when he has not called, when all week we hear about bad things and officers getting hurt, then something happens close to home I worry. When he is called out for the SWAT team to deal with a standoff and he does not call or text for 5 hours I worry. (Yes I live in the movies, it should take 27 minutes to deal with a hostage situation). But for the most part I don’t worry about him at work. He is just going off to do his job. I am sure if you were a banker and 3 banks in your area were just held up you might start to worry to, but after that it’s just a job.

Lie #5 You must get sick of all the people hitting on him, or talking bad about cops:

Again yes and No. First people don’t hit on him all the time, and to the gals who do I am sure he doesn’t know what you are doing most of the time, and if he does catch on well it kind of makes his day. I mean who doesn’t like a little attention. .. But it takes a lot to get T-rex’s. For all the people who talk bad about cops, sometimes they have a good point. I am not going to defend all cops just because my husband is one. I am however not going to put up with cop hating, racist remarks, sexism or anything of the like. So if you have an issue with a person who is a cop fine, deal with it. If you have an issue with all cops then you my dear friend are a dumb jerk and we are no longer going to have any reason to talk, my issue is solved.

Yeah there are more lies we cops wives deal with, many we tell each other. I can say I am one to whine the most when I am worried about T-rex, but understand that is because I am not used to worrying about him, even with his job. I guess reading so many posts about how bad it is to be married to a cop got me a little ticked today. It is not bad, there is nothing supper special we have to do, no added stress that can’t be dealt with and there sure as heck is no reason for us cop wives to live under added stress we make! Sure the job of a cop’s wife is hard, and there are a lot of wives out there who can’t do it. There is a stress the general public does not know, there is a strange degree of worry that will never go away. We have to face the evil head on. .. but after that we are just doing what needs to be done.

Okay after I posted this I noticed that the last part is all like "what?"  So here we go again. YES being married to a cop has its stress and its worry.  IT is different from other job, and other wives don't always understand. BUT, different doesn't make it greater, or harder, or anything other than Different.  It is not "oh poor me I am married to a cop"  Its. . wow this is different how do I deal with it?  There that seems better.


Meadowlark said...

Best cop-wife post I've seen.

In general, it's all about "I'm married to a hero, and he could die any day". Seriously, after watching the CNN news crew get their ass kicked in Egypt, I'm totally glad my husband is armed, can protect himself, and is NOT a camera-man.

AGAIN, this is an AMAZING attitude. I've always said - "he's just another good cop. Not the greatest, just does his job and does it well."

Glad to see there are others out there in reality.


W said...

The divorce thing kills me. Yes it is a higher rate than the average people, that is why a cop shouldn't marry an average person :-) It takes a special something for a spouse to successfully remain a spouse to a LEO. Just like some people can't live life in the military, some people can't handle cops.

Also, I think it is hysterical when he gets hit on. I have no idea why I think its so funny, I just do.

Meadowlark said...

W, I once had a wife ask (in the middle of deployment) "how could you do that? I could NEVER be away from my husband for six months". (Read: we're too in looooooove. what's wrong with YOU?)

My response (seriously, I said this. I shouldn't have.) "Well, your husband is ugly. We all have a burden we have to bear" and walked away.

Mean and bad, but still... who gets to judge what we go through? Nobody unless the're standing in my shoes.

Of course, I"m mean that way. Good to have in a fire fight though :)

RD said...

1) Hero is code for a job other people can't imagine themselves doing.

2) Some Officers divorce, but those officers pick women who love the idea, but not the reality.

3) Yes, he could, but officers are trained to put safety first.

4) My wife worries, but at the times where things have happened: The evening of her birthday, before vacations, getting "the knock on the door."

5) I get "hit on" by skanky women and gay men, I would never touch either. 90 Percent of the officers I work with are too faithful, suspicious, or tired to accept any offers.

As to negativity, my wife tears into those who ignorantly run their mouths in her presence.

Great Post.