Tuesday, February 15, 2011

How to: Pack a gear bag

No matter if the cop in your life calls it a gear bag, or go bag, or tactical bag, at one point you might be asked to get one, pack one, or set one up. Here are a few steps to help you along the way.

1. Pick out a nice bag. Note: your old pink book bag will not work, any purse you have around will not work, anything pink, purple, bright green or sparkly will not work.

2. First it is tempting to settle on a fairly “gender neutral” old gym duffle bag. When presenting this to your cop, full of random ammo, a set of cuffS, and a granola bar do not be sad when he laughs at you. This is a normal response.

3. Try again! This time find a bag, any bag, that is black or camouflage depending on its intended use. Again fill it full of random “cop crap.”

4. Discover that although the cop in your life cannot get dressed in appropriate cloths unless it is his uniform they will know that whatever bag you picked out was wrong. If you first got a camouflage bag go back and get a black one, and if you got a black one don’t add green paint, just get a camouflage bag (although painting a black gear bag camouflage makes for a great Christmas present from the kids, so hold on to that)

5. Get him a catalog with cop stuff in it and have him pick out the bag he wants as long as he can stick within the budget. . Check his math!

Now that you have the bag it is time to fill the bag!

6. Gather bottled water, ammo, granola bars, gloves, a hat, some change, and a towel. Stuff the bag full of the things you got, and zip it up to hide in the closet.

7. Come home to find the bag empted out on the bed and your cop looking at cop supply stores online.

8. After much debate about why he does not need another (#47) ammo holder thing (magazine) give him a budget and let him go wild! (as wild as one can go for under $60.00)

9. When all the new gear comes in stuff it into the bag.

10. Come home to find everything dumped out on the bed again, only this time there is packaging to pick up too!

11. After questioning your cop on the new mess, discover that he thinks he needs a bigger bag, one with more space and pockets.

12. At this point please repeat steps 1-5

Now that the cop has the correct bag and all of the things he thinks he will need, go over the bag with him. Here are a few things to check for.

13. Ask why he didn’t pack some water.

14. Put the granola bars back into his bag

15. Question his choice on ammo placement; amount, and variety, really how many different guns can one man shoot at a time?

16. Declare that the gear bag is not going to take up your night stand, dresser, or closet space and banish it to his patrol vehicle.

17. When he argues that he doesn’t need it in the vehicle all the time, ask him why they call it a go bag anyway. The reason he will likely give only reinforces that it needs to stay in the vehicle, he will not understand this simple logic.

18. As revenge put a pink heart sticker on it when you trip over it in the closet. He will never see the bag, because it’s not in his car when he needs it, in a year or so he will pull the bag out and find it nicely decorated!

And that is how you pack a gear bag for your cop. Don’t let the many steeps stress you out. If it seems too overwhelming start with a pink purse full of .22 rounds and candy bars, your cop will give up and do it on his own after that!


mrs. fuzz said...

haha! How true. I don't even get involved. I just sit back and watch him do all the steps on his own! Sometimes I observe that he has many bags and he arranges things in a different bag all the time. I don't get it. Love your "how to's". :)

Covering Blue said...

Ha! Love it!

CAcopwife said...

This was a fun read and summed up why I stay far away from gear, etc. The only cop thing CA Cop wants me involved in is washing his uniform.

Meadowlark said...

We've processed through the SWAT bags (which could not stay in the vehicle and both had to be lugged into the house every night) to the computer /evidence processing bags (2 plus a laptop bag most of the time) which sit in the corner of my dining room. Yes, the dining room. Sigh.

His go-bag (the must-have) sits in the basement, never used. UGH.

Pam Landy said...

I love love love these posts. I keep waiting for JB to get bitten by the gear bug, and I am really glad I have your guidance to fall back on, even if I wind up forgetting everything except the granola bars and pink stickers:)

Stacey said...

I'm in so much trouble! It's already started and he's just in the academy. I guess prior military doesn't help! I'll have to remember to stock up on granola bars!

Yellow said...

You girls crack me up! Meadow I hate the AR bag thingy. He now takes that in and out every shift because it is his personal gun and the SO will not cover it if something happends. Thank Goodness the SWAT stuff only goes out when he is called out!

And truly girls I say just start with a pink bag full of .22 it will save a lot of pain!
T-rex had some stuff to say about this post. . but I mostly played cartoons in my head ;) Maybe I will get him to write something soon.

Farming Mama said...

This is perfect and so true :) We started a go bag a month or so ago and I was totally the one adding the 'practical' (to me) things like food and water, my husband (obviously the cop) was the one saying, well, we need to store one of my guns in there, and a knife, and... :) Enjoying reading your blog!