Thursday, June 30, 2011

A Cop's Date

T-rex and I got to go on a date last night. Transformers 3D. His whole shift was there, the PD’s shift was there, and the Emergency management guy was there. I guess to get the full picture you have to understand our town. We have one movie theater, with one screen, that is it. Prices are cheap and it is run by volunteers, we can get a large bucket of popcorn and two drinks for 7 bucks! I love it. But there is only one movie at a time. They do a good job at getting a good movie in. I love it.

You also have to understand our departments. There are 3 guys to a day, on each department. They make up that “shift.” They also change days they are working. So T-rex always works with the same guys. They have every other weekend off, every other Wednesday and Thursday off. It is the same for the Police Department. Every 6 weeks the guys change, so it is something like this: T-rex on days, Popeye on mids, and D on nights. After 6 weeks T-rex will be on mids, Popeye will be on Nights and D will be on Days. Same kind of thing for the PD only they change like every 4 weeks or something. We also have one emergency management guy, he is the one who lets us know that tornados are going to hit, and what to do when that happens.

So every officer who had the day off was at the theater. One guy even took the day off to go. We had literally half the police force sitting at the movie. Everyone made a point of telling us how the town was going to burn down. Everyone turned off their phones. When the movie was over all the guys got together outside to check their phones. . . oh just weather alerts. Good thing the emergency management guy was on it!

We had a great time, and it was good to see all the guys T-rex works with. If you have seen the other Transformers I say go out and see this one too, it was good. T-rex loved it!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I Am a Police Officer’s Wife . . . And Nothing Else?

The question was asked on one of the police wives forums that I go to a lot if we have ever ran into a wife who just didn’t care that her husband was a cop. The asker of the question and many of the responses seemed to point that yes we all have. But more disturbing to me was the fact that this trait was not good.

I have seen the other side of it. I have seen wives who become nothing but a cop’s wife. To me that is far sadder. Sure I am proud to be the wife of a Deputy, but there is far more to me than my husband’s job. I spend my day doing typical mom and wife stuff, well as typical as it can be when you are married to a cop. I run the kids to play dates, I go to school, I have dreams, and I hope someday to make some real money. My dreams are not tied to what might happen to my husband’s job.

I don’t go around with the “oh poor me! My husband is in danger!” kind of attitude. Even if I do share it here a lot! This is my place to vent, to talk about this PART of my life. This part does find a way to creep into every other part of my life. But I guess that is just piece of the life of a cop’s wife.

I am a cop’s wife, and I love it. I would not change it for anything. I love seeing my husband do what he was made to do. As any long time cop would tell you it is in their blood. It truly is. And as such I was born to be a cop’s wife. I get the stress, the danger and all of the other silly things that come with it. Most cops’ wives fall into two categories, the ones that were born for this and the ones who cannot stand it. Yet we all deal with it in different ways. Some just treat it like another job, and it is after all. Others take things too far. Their whole lives are about being married to a cop.

I am very proud of my husband and I will support him forever, but I am not going to stop living MY life the way I want to just because he is a cop. My advice, find balance. Our cops do need our support. But we also need to live our lives.

So I am a Police Officer’s Wife, but I am so much more too. I love it.

But truth is I don’t think the guys need near as much support as the wives do! This blog is not here to support the cops and their job. . . it is to support the wives and our job of dealing with the crazy, slightly demented mind that makes a great cop. And T-rex truly is a great cop.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

ahh Sisters.

Ever have a day where you want to run away? Me neither! One day is just not enough.

In the last week my children have been the ones more likely to put ammo in the dryer than that husband.

Yester day cleaning out the van I put everything that needed to go inside on the grass and told the kids to put it inside. After saying it (or yelling it) a million times they were almost done.

Dino was coming back inside with the last of it. I asked if she got everything. She was holding a boot and a paper. She said “everything but that toy” I told her to go back and get it so we can be done. She argued with me that her hands were full. Don’t forget she had ONE boot and a paper in her hand. I got mad and said no they are not now get the toy!

She then took out a sock, a paper, another toy, and a hair band from the boot. She had the look of “I told you so.”

Guess who had to bring in EVERYTHING and not drop any of it . . . . Guess who did it!

Today at the Library it was Rae’s library time, the other two had to sit still and not bug the preschoolers. They did okay, until Rae got a book mark at the end of it. Then I had a 7 year old and 5 year old start to whine. If that was not bad enough as soon as I get them to stop Rae falls to the ground whining because she didn’t get a sticker too.

This week alone they have flooded the bathroom, twice, both of them, gotten into paint twice, drew and the wall (a star that they blamed on the 3 year old who can’t even make a straight line.) duped out a toy box, and got food stuck to EVERYTHING.

Oh and then there is the fighting. Almost none stop unless they are all mad at me, then they play nice.

Yet all of this has made me miss my sisters. My two younger sisters and I are going to go on a long weekend vacation in October. I wish we could do it sooner. I miss them. When I talked to them they were like “yeah but you were mean when were kids.” And I was all like “yeah.” So I don’t care if we come back from vacation and never want to talk to each other again. I know we will always be good friends and sisters. I also just want to check with them and see if this kind of crazy stuff is normal.

And the Quote of the week:

“Rae is having a hard time picking up, so I am going to have her pick up what she can, and then I will pick up what I can.” Dino

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father’s Day

Like most holidays T-rex is working. Even worse he is on nights. I really don’t care much.

Well that is not totally true. I do care. I wish he could be home, and I will still have the kids make him some silly cards, and I will still try to cook him something he loves for dinner. But out of all the holidays this and mother’s day have to rank the lowest.

You see when I was 9 months Pregnant with Lilly (okay maybe not right at 9 months but WAY past the ohh having a baby is so cute stage) There was Mother’s day. And I wanted so bad to be DONE, to be a mom and get on with this thing. But my friends and family reminded me that I was not a mom yet. It hurt and I was emotional and all that stuff. But then Lilly got born and T-rex got a father’s day before I got a mother’s day.

I know it was dumb but I wanted a mother’s day. And then almost a year later I got one, and it was dumb. I am sure T-rex was working or something, and even if he wasn’t he is not the kind of guy to do arts and crafts with a kid. . with anyone. I didn’t get my little hand in plaster and I didn’t care. I just wish someone would have taken the kid that was the reason I got to be a mother.

I didn’t feel extra Motherly. I felt like taking a nap. Fast forward 7 years T-rex is getting his 7th Father’s day, and it is still just a day.

Even if the day is not that big of a deal, the Father rocks! T-rex is easily one of the best dads in the world. You know second only to my Dad.
 I love you Dad! I love you T-rex!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A Post By my Mom

Ta da! Here it is every one. My mom. Before I let you get into her post I have to share Yesterday when I was working on my post I deleted a whole paragraph about how my mom and I fight sometimes. I deleted it because we don’t fight that much, we are very close and fights are bound to happen but they are usually small, and always over small things. Our last fight was over. .get this . . .me freaking out and my mom telling me to get over it. I know Yellow freaking out?! NEVER. Well I did, and my mom’s advice was good, just not given the way I needed at that time. I bring this up again now because in her post she talks about “getting over it.” Well not really, but she says again what she tried to tell me the day I called her all upset over. . .um nothing.

99.9% of the time my mom is able to tell me what I need to hear in a way that I need to hear it. When that .1% of the time comes around it’s hard for me. Hey I have been babied with a great understanding mother. But she has those skills to reach people on that level that makes them want to go for something more. My mom hints at in her post, but she is a Life Coach for Clarity Life coaching. . .okay she is THE coach, the owner and all that stuff. Her ability to reach people is not just limited to me, and I hope you can find something in what she wrote that will help you. Or just make you smile and see how much I really do freak out.


Welcome to my Daughter Yellow

Yellow? Is that what I named her? I mean I know yellow is my favorite color and all, but I really don’t remember naming my precious 6 lb, 9.5 oz baby girl “Yellow!”

Oh well, that is neither hear nor there. I guess the important thing is to tell you who I am and why I’m posting on Yellow’s blog. I’m Laura…or maybe I’m “Green?” Hard to tell with all of the name switching going on,…but I digress! I’m Laura and I’m Yellow’s mom.

I have loved watching my daughter’s blog posts about being the wife of a cop. Mostly because I can identify! You see, my husband was also in law enforcement. That’s right, Yellow’s father was also in law enforcement. They say we women have a tendency to grow up and marry men like our fathers. Well my daughter certainly did! In spades! She married her father in magnification.

As a result of a combination of things, my daughter has a tendency to call me almost daily and either ask for advice or blow off steam about being married to her cop. I think she thinks I have some kind of “inside track” on exactly how to handle every situation that comes up because of my past experience being married to a man in law enforcement and also because I am a professional life coach.

Daily I coach people in a variety of areas. I have helped coach people to success in business, parenting, relationships, life path and so much more. In fact, one of my most interesting clients was a man who had held over 32 jobs in less than 10 years…yeah…we didn’t make much progress with him. ANYWHOOOO...Yellow must seem to think I have some secret formula for handling the stress that comes from being married to a man who is frequently not home for meals, can’t talk about anything other than the latest department issued, hand gun or often misses the kids school plays and dance recitals. The truth is, there is no “magic formula.”

I think, like any wife of a law enforcement professional, each of us has had to learn our own way of coping with the stress and frustration of it all. My daily advice to Yellow usually goes something like this:

Yellow: “AHHH…help! I was up all night worrying about T-Rex!

Me: “Why?”

Yellow: “Because he had to go out on a call to an accident and I just started worrying that he might get hit by another car on the road…….”

Me: (remember now…these are my magic words) “Oh honey, you can’t let it bother you.”

Easier said than done, right? But that’s just it! You have to make a decision, day in and day out that you are in control of only one thing when it comes to your cop’s career. You are and only will be in control of YOUR OWN THOUGHTS!

I know it sounds simple and in some ways it is, you have to simply tell yourself over and over, “I don’t have to think negative thoughts unless I choose to.”

Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is tricky, but what if you were able to do what I used to do when my husband was in law enforcement? What if, instead of worrying about how to pay the bills and raise the kids if something bad were to happen to him, you started to fantasize that he was just given the Keys to the State for his sudden service and bravery! Wouldn’t it be awesome if the “victim” of the accident he was working turned out to be the Governor of the state you lived in? Next thing you know, he’s invited to the Governor’s mansion for a dinner in his honor. Oh NO!! What will you wear? We all know police officers don’t make enough money to buy a nice fancy expensive dress! Don’t forget about having to go to the spa or salon to get your nails and hair done so that you look fantastic for the press! After all, you’re the wife of a hero…wait…I digressed again. I mean wouldn’t it be wonderful if the Governor wanted to honor him with the Keys to the State and offered him a job as his personal body guard? Really, when was the last time you heard of anyone hurting the Governor? Besides, it would be much better hours, not to mention the fantastic pay raise that would come along with it.
 Anyway…after about an hour of this line of fantasizing, your husband will call to tell you that he’s just fine and all is well with him. You will be able to sleep comfortable with your new thoughts of dresses, paparazzi, pay raises and job changes!

So I love Yellow, and T-Rex too. They remind me of the life I had when my kids were being raised by a freaked out wife of a cop who was never home, often grumpy and really lived in his own world. It also reminds me that I survived by looking at the positive and Yellow will too!

Happy blogging Yellow! Mom loves you! Even when you call her all freaked out over nothing :)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


I was cooking the kids lunch and thinking about a new post to put up. I wanted something educational, fun, and happy. I had nothing. I tend to write my posts out in my head before I ever get them on paper. They start “And the big cow came running after him. . . .” or “I was talking to my mom. . . .” I had nothing.

Yet everything I came up with went back to starting with me and my mom.

My mom is like my best friend, even when she does dumb mom stuff. She is the one person I can talk to for hours and hours. She pushes me to go for my dreams, and become a better person. She is the one I call when I am all panicked about T-rex’s job. I am her business partner, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

I need to get out and meet more people! Yet I don’t think I would change a thing.

So I was “writing” my post in my head and kept going back to “My mom said. . .” and that is when it hit me. I wish you all could meet my mom. She was married to a Corrections officer (my dad has changed jobs, they are still married), she loves T-rex (we joke she likes him more than she likes me! I hope it’s a joke), and she is the mother of a police wife. She has understanding I just don’t have yet.

So I did my crazy Yellow freak out and called her all kinds of excited to have her write a post! She said she will. You guys will get to meet my mom.

Sadly in all the excitement I forgot what my post was going to be about. So I will just end with this.

My mom would tell me “Put on a coat! I am cold.” Somehow when I got a coat on it made her feel warmer. I guess.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I love this life. I am a police officer’s wife.

I am a Police Wife

I have an issue, and I see that it is only my issue.

You see I am a Police officer’s wife.

I don’t have sympathy for criminals.

I don’t care if you think the cop was a jerk, I am on his side.

When I find out about a cop being a jerk, I want to see him hang; he put MY husband in a bad light.

When I hear friends and family saying negative things about cops I wonder what kind of criminal they are.

I have found that not all criminals are bad people, and some good people are criminals.

But I am sure most people can at least understand that.

I get fired up, angry almost, when I hear people talk like it is no big deal being a cop, or being married to a cop.

Don’t get me wrong, being a cop is just a job like being a janitor, banker, or CEO. Okay well a CEO would make a heck of a lot more money!

There are differences however. There are things about this life that people on the outside may never fully get. It is hard to truly understand the worry a wife goes through when she hears the cop sirens going off and cannot get a hold of her husband. There is a worry when he says he cannot tell her what happened at work today. There is a slight worry when he is called into court for something out of the normal. There are worries when, 6 hours after the end of a shift he is still not home, but there is a knock on the door.

With that worry there is also a pride. The cop is the one out there dealing with people the rest of the world would rather think didn’t exist. The cop is the one out there putting his life on the line for others. He is the one who deals with the verbal abuse after some drunk calls about her drunken husband.

There is also the simple feeling of being a single parent. Most wives understand this from time to time, a husband working late or strange hours. I get that. I don’t think police wives are the only ones who feel this way. Yet it is hard. The 12 hour days, changing shifts, training that lasts days, weeks, or months. Trying to schedule everything around a strange changing schedule is hard. Then when he is home, and not asleep, it is a change to get him fitting into our lives again, and again, and again. After 5 years it has gotten better, but not ideal.

Still the worst part is the feeling of being alone, like no one understands what it is like to be married to a cop. In my small town the police wives are few, and none of us very close. I tend to envy the army for the simple fact that most people of the same rank are around the same age, and they live in the same neighborhoods. They understand the dangers of their husbands’ job, and they know what is like. It is not that way for police wives.

I think this is why I write this, I think it is why I reached out to so many police wives online. I am not alone; I just had to get creative to reach others. And although we are not all the same as police wives, some of us are in big cities, some in small towns, some work for the city, others for the county or even the state. We all understand the strange stresses that this job brings to the family. And the pride we have for all our Law Enforcement Officers. I love this life. I am a police officer’s wife.