Wednesday, November 10, 2010

It’s just who I am. . . Now how am I going to deal with this?!

I am self-centered, over dramatic, stressed, moody, and let us just call it focused.

It’s just who I am. The self-centeredness, drama, stress, and moodiness have all gotten much better with age, for the most part. The “focused” part has not really gotten any better. I blame my mother, but only because that is what Freud would do.

Maybe we can’t really call it “focused” I seem to fixate on things. Like when I lost my keys. I blocked everything and everyone out and tore my house to shreds looking for my darn keys. I got ticked off, nothing else mattered, I think my cat could have died (if I had a cat) and I would not have even noticed. I end up yelling at the kids, and poor T-rex (anymore he ignores me, which makes me madder, but he does not notice). I do this when my kids misplace their things too, I guess on some level (okay almost every level) I freak out.

I am not really sure why. I just don’t usually misplace things. But it goes beyond that, if something is broken I stay focused on it until it is fixed, or really, really broken because I have no clue how to fix a washing machine. Well this week has already had more than one case of Yellow Focus. (Almost as bad as yellow fever!) Lilly had her issues at school Monday. Tuesday she lost her homework folder, I tore the house apart had a hard time sleeping and the whole thing. Then the great day of Wednesday . . . . the basement flooded because of the storm early in the morning (like there is no time the clocks are even asleep this early) which had Dino up, which soon got Rae up, which got Lilly up.

I called the landlords; they said that I had to get the water out of the basement. So I fully started focus mode. I was mad, I should not have to do that when we are renting. UGH. But I thought I dealt with it okay. A call to the cops to get a wet-dry vac and I was in business! (Yes the cops are also handymen if anyone wanted to know. . go ahead a try this at home. . .And then tell me about it because I could use some comic relief this week!!)

I then spent several hours trying to get the carpets cleaned, the rooms put back together, and because of the Focus the rooms now have to be just right, even though they never are.

All of this is fine, it’s part of who I am. The people who love me get this. But how in the world am I going to deal with T-rex being a cop?! He is going to get hurt, or something at some point, or even if it’s just in my head, I am going to focus on it for ever and there is no way I can put it all back together just right.

1 comment:

Ann T. said...

Dear Yellow,
Oh, my word! I am going to tell you--I am sorry I missed this post. I am even going to answer it and hope you see it, late though I am.

Your incredible focus is going to help you in any disaster. The only danger to it (and I know this from experience) is that it means you might not ask for enough help, and you might get exhausted too soon.

The drama can get in the way, or it can help you steel yourself to do what must be done.

All you can do is use what you have, dear Yellow. And you've got all the stuff you need. With luck and grace, you'll never know how much stuff you got. But you have it, never fear.

Ann T.