**This is crazy long, but it is not that long to read.**
07:00 ~ Get inmates dressed out for “work release”
07:30 ~ Transport oldest inmate to “work”
07:40~ Prepare nutritional meal for remaining inmates.
07:50 ~ Clean up kitchen and “mess hall” (never has a name been so fitting)
08:00 ~ confiscate weapon of mass destruction (blue marker on walls)
Apprehend suspect for questioning.
Extend sentence 5 minutes in solitaire
Guard cell (time out corner) for visitors bringing in contraband (little sister: red pen)
Book in “visitor” for position of a controlled substance.
Release blue marker suspect to free up solitaire for red pen bandit.
08:25 ~ Resume maintenance on building. Including but not limited to, washing dishes, picking up toys and bringing out trash.
09:00 ~ Get called to a domestic. Both parties crying.
Take statements from both parties.
Book em both on grounds of noise violations. Time outs to last 5 minutes on the couch T.V privileges revoked.
09:15 ~ discover toxic gas and investigate ~spend time questioning inmates all questions are answered from what sounds to be a drunk “huh? What smells? I don’t smell anything? Did you know you can taste what you smell? You are eating it too! I didn’t poop!”
09:37 ~ Find smell. It appears someone was making hooch out of their apple juice left in a cup on top of the hot DVD player. Question suspects again. Restate the rule that cups are not to be in the living room. Be ignored.
10:00 ~ Hand out food provisions to the “starving” after being called mean for not having cookies hand out “gummies”
10:45 ~ respond to a theft report. “Barbie was stolen!” and “I had it first”
Take item into evidence.
Give warning of more fines to pay (toys)
11:25 ~ Prepare lunch, which goes without incident, clean kitchen and mess hall again.
12:00 ~ transport inmates to “work release” after picking up another inmate from a neighboring “jail”
12:34 ~ arrive back to enjoy a moment of peace before getting the youngest inmate to nap.
13:00 ~ put youngest into sleeping room, and pray.
13:03 ~ yell “when I say lights out I mean it!” catch up on whatever work needs done, laundry, extra training, and preparing the “jail” for the big guy to arrive
15:00 ~ redress youngest for transport duty again
15:30 ~ Pick up older two inmates and transport them back
15:43 ~ Help with training of inmates, provide food stuff.
16:00 ~ Big guy awakes from his hole in the “jail” greet him and “act like you got your jail running great”
16:04 ~ locate missing items for big guy, things such as socks, pants, and belt keepers (secretary Duty)
16:30 ~ prevent domestic over space issues before violence occurs.
16:35 ~ Prepare last meal for everyone. Keep in mind every ones dietary needs.
17:00 ~ Eat, enjoy the conversations of inmates, self incrimination abound .
clean kitchen and mess hall
17:35 ~ Send off the Big guy.
17:45 ~ Confiscate another controlled substance (glue)
18:00 ~ ask what the smell is again, hear giggles as one inmate announces “I farted”
18:12 ~ Break up a bar fight over a girl. (AKA pushing and hitting over a Barbie)
18:13 ~ Take Barbies away, and remind inmates to get their juice out of the living room
18:14 ~ Put a band-aid on cut from fight
18:15 ~ Catch the graffiti artist red handed (green crayon)
Sentence inmate to a hard 10. (second offence and all that)
18:35 ~ Start the washing of inmates. Supervise that proper procedure is conducted, and splashing stay to a minimum.
18:56 ~ Brush the hair of 3 girls! Dude, there is no cop term for this, Not even a cop would do something like this! Ugh
19:12 ~ Repeat no bedtime snack rule, repeat it about 73 times before inmates seem to get it.
19:34 ~ lock down all inmates.
19:43 ~ deal with a jail break.
20:00 ~ write reports for the day, plan the budget for the jail, work on training, read a book or watch a show after work is done
02:00 ~ decide that all the “other stuff” will have to just wait until tomorrow and clock out.
7:30 am – 3:40ish pm ~ sleep
3:40-4:30 play on computer, scratch self, drink coffee
4:30-4:45 use the restroom
4:45-5:00 eat the meal that was cooked for you
5:00-5:30 Get dressed for work, have wife bring you everything you cannot find
5:30pm-12:00am Drive around in the dark, with your friends, looking for “stuff”
12:00 am -1:00 am ~ Come home. Eat something from the microwave, or something the wife made at 12 for
1:00-1:30 Play with farm animals
1:30-3 Drive around some more, stop at the office to BS with friends
3:00 get a call about a deer accident; move deer off road take report
4:00 back to the office to write journal.
4:30 pull someone over for driving bad
5:00-6:00 Drive around some more
6:00-6:18 BS with the guys getting on the new shift.
6:18-7:00 Play games on the computer or PS3 or something.
7:00 Turn on the light so wife will get up.
Yep T-rex just drives a lot! LOL