Monday, July 26, 2010

How to deal with pests like a cop

We are being overrun. The cats are taking over! Before I go on, you must know I love cats, but am deadly allergic to them. How I miss my little cat, they are great pets. They are only great when pets!

A black cat (I know creepy, right?) has given birth to several kittens this summer. The kittens are not nice! They hiss. They dump over my trash at 2 am keeping me up until 4! Yes, not all the strange sounds are my icemaker! When talking to T-rex about this issue we were able to come up with a few ideas. Here is a handy check list for anyone wanting to get rid of a pest like a cop would.

1. Write up a warrant for the pests’ arrest. Post it near the trash can in the hope that they will turn themselves in.

2. Yell “Police” when you see said pest in the hope that they will stop what they are doing.

3. Secure the perimeter. Including, but not limited to, new fencing, traps made out of tuna and wire, and new lights.

4. Evaluate the situation for force. How many cats/pests? Do they have teeth or claws that could be deadly? Is the pests’ presence potentially harmful to a residence?

5. Buy a silencer for B.B. Gun. When you find this does NOT work go to step 6.

6. Read up on subsonic ammo. Gather all the intelligence you need to be able to apply this technique effectively and without getting caught.

7. Wife washes Ammo. (Really need I say more?)

8. Admit defeat and call animal control. . . . Usually it takes about 3-4 weeks to reach this stage.

9. Brave the ego bashing as co-workers question why you called animal control rather than take care of said pest like “a man” and get good recommendations for subsonic rounds, and better B.B. guns.

So there you have it. How to take care of a pest like a cop. Now truth be told I just called animal control. I guess for some jobs you just need a professional.


Anonymous said...

love it! We had to do this a couple years ago at my grandparents house. A 410 works great too. But only if you live in the country. ;)

Ann T. said...

Dear Yellow,
Wow, all that force expenditure! I would have called animal control too.

If I could, I would shoot mosquitoes.

Have a great evening,
Ann T.

Sister Copinherhair said...

How funny! I have two cats. One black. One white. Trust me on this...the white ones are worse! I'm going to try yelling "Police!" the next time he attacks the other one and see what happens. ;) Thanks for the tips!

Yellow said...

Ann~I too would shoot mosquitoes. My dad once shot the stinger off a bee with a BB gun, in the house. He really hates bees!

Sister~ Get a water gun too, that way if they don't follow the command you can "shoot" em. I hear it is good to use a water gun to train cats, I don't really know.

Copwifey~ We don't need to give T-rex any ideas! LOL .